So, big question...as a mom of tweenagers, where do I draw the line between the quest to fulfill my dreams and the journey to raise my kids? I am not a great multi-tasker (I know, most moms are, but I was not blessed with that talent). I need focus or nothing will ever be fully accomplished (like dinner - distract me and I will forget to even start the side dishes until the entree is on the table!) So I have been focusing on being a mom. I stay home with them, we have chosen to homeschool them (at least for now), and making sure they are growing into responsible adults has been my main goal and purpose for living since they were conceived. I make mistakes (more distractions!) but they are good kids, so something is going right.
But just the other day my husband asked me why I wasn't pursuing my dream of writing. Well, duh, I said (so eloquently) I am busy with the current goal of making sure they stay alive until adulthood. They need food and clothes and someone to take away the hammer when they threaten to use it on each other. But, he so wisely points out, GOD has called and gifted you for more than just that. True, HE has. But I have been content working at this job. After all, it is a temp job. I will have time for my dreams when it is accomplished. And even Jesus had His hidden years.
We know a little about HIS childhood. We see HIM again at twelve. Then HE is hidden until HE is about thirty, when HIS ministry begins in full. HIS dreams, HIS purpose...they were put on pause, even though HE thought HE was ready, because it wasn't the right time (and maybe even because HIS mom wasn't quite ready to let go). But when HE begins, it's HIS mom who sets it all up and the time is right. (Moms can be very influential). HIS hidden years are over.
So I am waiting. I am working, and I am learning in these, my hidden years. I don't feel as though they are wasted, and I am looking forward to a writing career, something I can focus on more fully when my kids are fully grown, living dreams of their own. That way there is no division of my time or attentions, and I can be the best mom, then the best writer, I can be without the tug of war of neglect.
Besides, what better fodder for writing than the antics of kids?
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
A Flower Metaphor...Really?
Ahhh, the summer heat has finally arrived in my neck of the woods...I'm not thrilled. I live in a desert. I have fair skin. Surely now you can see the reason for my lack of enthusiasm. But I can't deny the great feeling of the backyard BBQ, the smell of charcoal grills and roasting meat wafting through the air, mixing sweetly with the scent of ripe watermelons and heady alfalfa grasses. Country life has its charms, even for this suburb kind of gal.
Which brings me to my point - we may have our own desires and are made to thrive more readily in certain environments, but we can bloom anywhere.
I grew up in a city famous for its rainy, cloudy days. I loved the overcast sky like I loved my cozy blanket. There is still nothing more comforting to me than the sound of rain beating heavily on my roof while I sip hot chocolate on the couch. But when GOD calls, HE also stretches. I was called to minister in the desert. Now I could have called GOD crazy and refused, citing my fair skin and red hair as perfect reasons not to go, but I would have missed so much! GOD has lifted me from the background support I have always been to my husband, to a partner in the ministry. HE has increased the gifts and talents that, honestly, I had forsaken while in the beautiful mountains, to the point that HE nearly took those talents away. I have increased in my friendships, gained new teachers, acquired new students, and stepped up in my faith. HE could have done this in the mountains. GOD is big enough that HE can do whatever HE wants anywhere. But for me, it took the desert. I am stubborn and I guess HE wanted to get my attention.
I am blooming. I didn't think I'd ever be where I am now. I never even tried to be. Guess that's why I was called to the desert. It takes a shift of focus, a shaking, to move us from one safe, sturdy, comfortable pot to the spacious garden outside. But we can bloom anywhere HE chooses to plant us - even if we are thirsty flowers in the desert - we will learn to trust HIM for the rain on a deeper level than possible to learn had we stayed in the rainforest. Trusting HIM to do the impossible every time HE meets our needs. Yep, I am blooming. Are you?
Which brings me to my point - we may have our own desires and are made to thrive more readily in certain environments, but we can bloom anywhere.
I grew up in a city famous for its rainy, cloudy days. I loved the overcast sky like I loved my cozy blanket. There is still nothing more comforting to me than the sound of rain beating heavily on my roof while I sip hot chocolate on the couch. But when GOD calls, HE also stretches. I was called to minister in the desert. Now I could have called GOD crazy and refused, citing my fair skin and red hair as perfect reasons not to go, but I would have missed so much! GOD has lifted me from the background support I have always been to my husband, to a partner in the ministry. HE has increased the gifts and talents that, honestly, I had forsaken while in the beautiful mountains, to the point that HE nearly took those talents away. I have increased in my friendships, gained new teachers, acquired new students, and stepped up in my faith. HE could have done this in the mountains. GOD is big enough that HE can do whatever HE wants anywhere. But for me, it took the desert. I am stubborn and I guess HE wanted to get my attention.
I am blooming. I didn't think I'd ever be where I am now. I never even tried to be. Guess that's why I was called to the desert. It takes a shift of focus, a shaking, to move us from one safe, sturdy, comfortable pot to the spacious garden outside. But we can bloom anywhere HE chooses to plant us - even if we are thirsty flowers in the desert - we will learn to trust HIM for the rain on a deeper level than possible to learn had we stayed in the rainforest. Trusting HIM to do the impossible every time HE meets our needs. Yep, I am blooming. Are you?
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Yes and No
GOD is such a big GOD. I learned today a little bit more about how big HE is. HE is sooo big that even HIS no answers, HIS silence, or what we perceive as the lack of HIS presence can move as many mountains as HIS powerful YES!
I was a little concerned about a young woman in our church. I wanted to go and comfort and was thinking about doing just that, pondering what I should say (I may be a little crazy, but I kinda rehearse conversations in my head in advance - just being honest!). But GOD said "No". I, of course, said "What?" It seemed like such a good and GOD-ly thing to do. I mean, really, it was comfort. But because of the position this woman is in because of her choices, GOD said no. I pressed HIM. I am a stubborn woman and I admit it. No is not my favorite answer. But HE showed me! HIS no is as powerful as HIS yes. HE can do just as much with silence as HE can with thunder. And HE let me know in no uncertain terms, that HIS plan for this woman was for me to be silent so HE could work. So HE could do the job (without me getting in the way!)
Now I am still a little hard-headed and it takes a lot to get through sometimes (and this trait has to work side by side with my reluctance to change), so I almost didn't accept that explanation. But then I saw HIS no answer in action. Another woman was considering separating from her husband (it was an internal battle she hadn't discussed with anyone yet). I felt the urge to tell her what GOD had shown me about the power in HIS no answers, the magnitude of HIS silence. I told her this may be a 'no' time in her life right now. She cried and felt GOD had given her the answer - to stay put in her marriage and let HIM work.
Seeing the power of HIS no give a marriage a second chance was convincing. Who am I to have a problem if HE decides 'no' is the better answer? Who am I to force HIM to answer at all when the lesson has to be learned in the silence of waiting? Lord, have Your way in me. Keep teaching me the truth of who You are and how You work. Even if You have to teach it through Your silence.
I was a little concerned about a young woman in our church. I wanted to go and comfort and was thinking about doing just that, pondering what I should say (I may be a little crazy, but I kinda rehearse conversations in my head in advance - just being honest!). But GOD said "No". I, of course, said "What?" It seemed like such a good and GOD-ly thing to do. I mean, really, it was comfort. But because of the position this woman is in because of her choices, GOD said no. I pressed HIM. I am a stubborn woman and I admit it. No is not my favorite answer. But HE showed me! HIS no is as powerful as HIS yes. HE can do just as much with silence as HE can with thunder. And HE let me know in no uncertain terms, that HIS plan for this woman was for me to be silent so HE could work. So HE could do the job (without me getting in the way!)
Now I am still a little hard-headed and it takes a lot to get through sometimes (and this trait has to work side by side with my reluctance to change), so I almost didn't accept that explanation. But then I saw HIS no answer in action. Another woman was considering separating from her husband (it was an internal battle she hadn't discussed with anyone yet). I felt the urge to tell her what GOD had shown me about the power in HIS no answers, the magnitude of HIS silence. I told her this may be a 'no' time in her life right now. She cried and felt GOD had given her the answer - to stay put in her marriage and let HIM work.
Seeing the power of HIS no give a marriage a second chance was convincing. Who am I to have a problem if HE decides 'no' is the better answer? Who am I to force HIM to answer at all when the lesson has to be learned in the silence of waiting? Lord, have Your way in me. Keep teaching me the truth of who You are and how You work. Even if You have to teach it through Your silence.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Offensive Bait
Offense. That's one word with a brilliant realm of meaning. Just in my mind I picture football teams, strategy tables, armies, knights jousting, armor & swordplay, unforgiveness, bitterness, and white pickets - it's a fence after all (that last one is kinda random, I know, but that's just how my mind works). There are so many ways to define offense and so many shades within those meanings that it seems a little overwhelming to break it down into manageable chunks. So I'll focus on the churchy part, since that's what our ladies Bible study is focusing on for the summer.
We've started the book The Bait of satan (lowercase there is on purpose, people)and it's by John Bevere. It's basically about offenses, how easy they are to acquire, and the damage they do to our personal selves and our body as a whole. Since we've started this study, (two weeks ago) we've been pretty offended as a group (especially a group of ladies - you know I'm right!). One wise woman pointed out that we are not any more offended than before the study began, we are just more focused on the offenses and see them for what they are. Sure, I can buy that. But if we know they are there and see them for what they are, why do they still happen? Why isn't it any easier to disarm the enemy since we can clearly see his plans for division? Why are we such suckers for a good row? And why is forgiveness so hard?
Well, these are the things we're learning. Step one (see we skipped to the back of the book so we could get some basic tools to help us fight the bait of offense) is to recognize the offense. Sometimes we don't admit we are carrying it, sometimes we don't even know we are holding on to hurts. So we have to be aware. I think as a group we are there.
Step two is forgiving. Not always as easy to do as it is to spell. Sometimes GOD is gracious and takes all the pain, hurt, and anger straight out of our hearts so forgiveness is quick and painless. Most of the time, though, forgiving is a hard choice we must force ourselves to choose day-by-day, and sometimes even moment-by-moment. Keep in mind, too, that forgiveness is NOT an emotion and you won't feel like you've accomplished that task. Sometimes forgiveness involves actually thinking about what you are thinking about so you can catch those unforgiving thoughts before they become anchored in your brain again.
Step three I don't remember. But I hope you won't you be offended. I am still learning from this book and hope to take a lot more home with me than what you've seen so far.
We've started the book The Bait of satan (lowercase there is on purpose, people)and it's by John Bevere. It's basically about offenses, how easy they are to acquire, and the damage they do to our personal selves and our body as a whole. Since we've started this study, (two weeks ago) we've been pretty offended as a group (especially a group of ladies - you know I'm right!). One wise woman pointed out that we are not any more offended than before the study began, we are just more focused on the offenses and see them for what they are. Sure, I can buy that. But if we know they are there and see them for what they are, why do they still happen? Why isn't it any easier to disarm the enemy since we can clearly see his plans for division? Why are we such suckers for a good row? And why is forgiveness so hard?
Well, these are the things we're learning. Step one (see we skipped to the back of the book so we could get some basic tools to help us fight the bait of offense) is to recognize the offense. Sometimes we don't admit we are carrying it, sometimes we don't even know we are holding on to hurts. So we have to be aware. I think as a group we are there.
Step two is forgiving. Not always as easy to do as it is to spell. Sometimes GOD is gracious and takes all the pain, hurt, and anger straight out of our hearts so forgiveness is quick and painless. Most of the time, though, forgiving is a hard choice we must force ourselves to choose day-by-day, and sometimes even moment-by-moment. Keep in mind, too, that forgiveness is NOT an emotion and you won't feel like you've accomplished that task. Sometimes forgiveness involves actually thinking about what you are thinking about so you can catch those unforgiving thoughts before they become anchored in your brain again.
Step three I don't remember. But I hope you won't you be offended. I am still learning from this book and hope to take a lot more home with me than what you've seen so far.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Grow My Faith LORD - and Don't Stop!
Okay, so, that bug I was battling? Well, it turns out that was just the practice round for something even larger!
GOD is good how HE prepares us before launching us. Last night my husband was inspired to deliver a lesson on the man who was healed by the gate called Beautiful (Acts 3). Then his plan was to ask for the faith to let healing happen here in our church when we pray. GOD's plan was the reverse! We had one young lady with a swollen nose ask for some ibuprofen because she was hurting at the start of our youth service! So we prayed. The swollen lump in her nose disappeared and she said even the pain was going away - she was even able to touch it without cringing!
I was so excited about that, let me tell you! But then halfway through his sermon, another of our girls got up to leave. She told me that she was taking a friend to the ER because her eye was so swollen. We rallied again and practiced what he was still preaching and prayed for her over the phone. We told her to call back in half an hour with a status report. When she called back, it was to say that the swelling had gone down a LOT! I will have to check with her, but I don't think she ended up going to the ER after all.
So when we prayed for one of our girls who had skinned her knees (scabby and swollen), I was expecting the skin to knit together right under my hands! They were still scabbed when we finished praying, but even she said her knees felt better and she was able to move them easier.
I am so humbled that GOD would choose to honor us with HIS glory and HIS touch. These may be small things, but that is how faith grows - and I trust larger is coming. All we have to do is ask, and the very Maker of the universe will hear and answer. What an awesome GOD we serve!!!
GOD is good how HE prepares us before launching us. Last night my husband was inspired to deliver a lesson on the man who was healed by the gate called Beautiful (Acts 3). Then his plan was to ask for the faith to let healing happen here in our church when we pray. GOD's plan was the reverse! We had one young lady with a swollen nose ask for some ibuprofen because she was hurting at the start of our youth service! So we prayed. The swollen lump in her nose disappeared and she said even the pain was going away - she was even able to touch it without cringing!
I was so excited about that, let me tell you! But then halfway through his sermon, another of our girls got up to leave. She told me that she was taking a friend to the ER because her eye was so swollen. We rallied again and practiced what he was still preaching and prayed for her over the phone. We told her to call back in half an hour with a status report. When she called back, it was to say that the swelling had gone down a LOT! I will have to check with her, but I don't think she ended up going to the ER after all.
So when we prayed for one of our girls who had skinned her knees (scabby and swollen), I was expecting the skin to knit together right under my hands! They were still scabbed when we finished praying, but even she said her knees felt better and she was able to move them easier.
I am so humbled that GOD would choose to honor us with HIS glory and HIS touch. These may be small things, but that is how faith grows - and I trust larger is coming. All we have to do is ask, and the very Maker of the universe will hear and answer. What an awesome GOD we serve!!!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Battling the Bug
I have been battling the bug that makes a speedy appearance and then a quick getaway. My daughter first acknowledged (nice way of putting it, right?) this virus on a Monday night, first on one side of her bed and then on the other. Ugh. So each of the kids got to sleep next to a big bowl for the rest of the night. The next day, my other daughter claimed she was fine and didn't need a bucket anymore. Since I have had a lot of experience with this dreadful bug, I insisted she keep it with her at all times. Stubborn girl went upstairs without it and on the way down experienced such a technicolor yawn that it hit the wall three feet away. Double ugh. Time to pray.
So I call all my friends and ask them to pray, because I hate this kind of bug. I want it gone and I will fight. I claim all the promises of GOD for my family, knowing that GOD is faithful, knowing that HE is way bigger than this microscopic virus. But at some point, I am struck with the realization that my own faith is not bigger than microscopic vermin, certainly not a mustard seed. The evidence of my lack was the fear I had that made me give everyone buckets.
How can fear exist side by side with faith? How can I pray for complete healing and still have buckets for when the sickness comes? What am I really preparing for? So I made the stand. It took everything in me, but I put the buckets away (it took three days to get the courage, the faith). On Friday night, my son upchucked - in the throne of disposal where he was supposed to. But I didn't feel defeated, and I didn't feel like my faith had failed. Can't explain that feeling, since all evidence pointed to the contrary, but I knew GOD was with me and HE and I, we were good.
The following Tuesday our roomate got sick. Guess the prayers didn't cover him, but since no one else was sick I felt victorious enough to share about my battle over this sickness and the strengthening my faith received. After all, it had been more than a week and out of the eight people I see every day only four had been ill. I shared this glorious news with my friend Thursday. The very next day my stomach was doing rock and roll with a heavy bass beat on an ocean liner in a storm! Did my faith falter? Yes. Did I grab a bowl? Yes, two actually (upstairs and down - for some reason I couldn't think to keep it with me on the stairs). Did I pray and worship GOD anyway? Yep. I knew that no matter what I would love HIM, praise HIM, and not blame HIM. Did I throw up? NOPE! GOD graciously gave me that victory.
So to sum up: I prayed for healing for my family, realized my faith was too small, so I prayed for more faith, got sick anyway, but never lost my bagel. I would call that a victory overall. And maybe someday soon my faith will be as a mustard seed, growing and reaching the amazing depths that might even move the mountains one day.
So I call all my friends and ask them to pray, because I hate this kind of bug. I want it gone and I will fight. I claim all the promises of GOD for my family, knowing that GOD is faithful, knowing that HE is way bigger than this microscopic virus. But at some point, I am struck with the realization that my own faith is not bigger than microscopic vermin, certainly not a mustard seed. The evidence of my lack was the fear I had that made me give everyone buckets.
How can fear exist side by side with faith? How can I pray for complete healing and still have buckets for when the sickness comes? What am I really preparing for? So I made the stand. It took everything in me, but I put the buckets away (it took three days to get the courage, the faith). On Friday night, my son upchucked - in the throne of disposal where he was supposed to. But I didn't feel defeated, and I didn't feel like my faith had failed. Can't explain that feeling, since all evidence pointed to the contrary, but I knew GOD was with me and HE and I, we were good.
The following Tuesday our roomate got sick. Guess the prayers didn't cover him, but since no one else was sick I felt victorious enough to share about my battle over this sickness and the strengthening my faith received. After all, it had been more than a week and out of the eight people I see every day only four had been ill. I shared this glorious news with my friend Thursday. The very next day my stomach was doing rock and roll with a heavy bass beat on an ocean liner in a storm! Did my faith falter? Yes. Did I grab a bowl? Yes, two actually (upstairs and down - for some reason I couldn't think to keep it with me on the stairs). Did I pray and worship GOD anyway? Yep. I knew that no matter what I would love HIM, praise HIM, and not blame HIM. Did I throw up? NOPE! GOD graciously gave me that victory.
So to sum up: I prayed for healing for my family, realized my faith was too small, so I prayed for more faith, got sick anyway, but never lost my bagel. I would call that a victory overall. And maybe someday soon my faith will be as a mustard seed, growing and reaching the amazing depths that might even move the mountains one day.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I am...
At our women's retreats we have a nice little tradition called camp mail. We have little note papers that are open for anyone to write encouraging words to anyone else and we put them in the mailbox to be handed out at every meal break. Well, it's a nice little treasure to take home after such a GOD weekend, but going through little note papers isn't really practical. A few friends of mine summarized their notes into what they call "I am" statements. This is mine.
I am...
...a wonderful mom
...a beautiful spirit
...shining with Jesus in every smile
...a sister and more
...a pray-er
...not afraid
...a blessing and a friend
...open to the work of GOD (and showing it to others)
...amazing
...being led and leading
...tender
...encouraging others
...full of love
...a servant
...a beautiful woman of GOD
...a listener
...willing to GOD
...used by GOD to shout joy and hope in my actions and my smile
...full of faith
...obedient to GOD
...connecting spiritually to others
WOW! How powerful to see those little notes laid out like this. And to know that this is how others (the women in our church) see me makes it amazing and humbling all at the same time.
I am...
...a wonderful mom
...a beautiful spirit
...shining with Jesus in every smile
...a sister and more
...a pray-er
...not afraid
...a blessing and a friend
...open to the work of GOD (and showing it to others)
...amazing
...being led and leading
...tender
...encouraging others
...full of love
...a servant
...a beautiful woman of GOD
...a listener
...willing to GOD
...used by GOD to shout joy and hope in my actions and my smile
...full of faith
...obedient to GOD
...connecting spiritually to others
WOW! How powerful to see those little notes laid out like this. And to know that this is how others (the women in our church) see me makes it amazing and humbling all at the same time.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Undignified Worship
Worship. We overuse that word to describe our church services. Kinda like the word 'love', worship is a word that has come a far distance from the true meaning.
I was thinking about this when reading about how the soldiers mocked Jesus right before the crucifixtion. They dressed him in purple robes (signifying royalty), crowned Him with thorns, brought Him into the governors mansion, and even bowed before Him. But none of it was to worship Him. Obviously, since that would have been the opposite of their true intent.
But what is our true intent? Sometimes I think the worship we give to GOD means no more to Him than the lectures our children tune-out. There are even times when our worship may even resemble the mockery given to Jesus by the soldiers. Extreme? Think about it this way.
We clothe GOD in glory and call Him holy (the purple robes), but then we refuse to confess our sin, so it gets heaped on His head (crown of thorns). We make the right gestures (bowing down), but refuse to forgive hurts others have caused (spitting on Him). We even make demands from Him, asking Him to do what we want, and give us what we think we deserve (which is no better than hitting Him and demanding He tell us who did it.) We put Him in a place of worship (the governer's mansion), but it's just an empty shell of a place, with no life and no power. He becomes an impotent GOD instead of omnipotent.
So what does real worship look like then? What does it mean to worship in spirit and in truth? Umm, well, I don't have a clear picture of that. I'm still learning myself. But King David knew. He worshipped GOD so completely that he lost all dignity and said he would be willing to lose even more! He didn't care about the position, the robes, the power, or his reputation more than he loved to dance before GOD and celebrate HIS presence. So perhaps true worship involves losing oneself in the presence and celebration of GOD; forgetting all that surrounds and troubles to focus on the Savior - less me, more LORD. Seems like a good start to me!
I was thinking about this when reading about how the soldiers mocked Jesus right before the crucifixtion. They dressed him in purple robes (signifying royalty), crowned Him with thorns, brought Him into the governors mansion, and even bowed before Him. But none of it was to worship Him. Obviously, since that would have been the opposite of their true intent.
But what is our true intent? Sometimes I think the worship we give to GOD means no more to Him than the lectures our children tune-out. There are even times when our worship may even resemble the mockery given to Jesus by the soldiers. Extreme? Think about it this way.
We clothe GOD in glory and call Him holy (the purple robes), but then we refuse to confess our sin, so it gets heaped on His head (crown of thorns). We make the right gestures (bowing down), but refuse to forgive hurts others have caused (spitting on Him). We even make demands from Him, asking Him to do what we want, and give us what we think we deserve (which is no better than hitting Him and demanding He tell us who did it.) We put Him in a place of worship (the governer's mansion), but it's just an empty shell of a place, with no life and no power. He becomes an impotent GOD instead of omnipotent.
So what does real worship look like then? What does it mean to worship in spirit and in truth? Umm, well, I don't have a clear picture of that. I'm still learning myself. But King David knew. He worshipped GOD so completely that he lost all dignity and said he would be willing to lose even more! He didn't care about the position, the robes, the power, or his reputation more than he loved to dance before GOD and celebrate HIS presence. So perhaps true worship involves losing oneself in the presence and celebration of GOD; forgetting all that surrounds and troubles to focus on the Savior - less me, more LORD. Seems like a good start to me!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Time to Position
I've been busy this past week, and I'm talkin' busy from eye opening in the morning to tripping into bed 'cause my eyes are already closed at night. We've been moving heavy furniture and boxes and all that, so I am tired in ways I am not very often tired. Even a full workout - cardio, muscle strengthening, flexibility - is not as bone-tiring as what I've been up against.
I think King David got tired too. 2 Samuel says that it was the spring, the time when kings usually went out to make war. But King David had stayed home. I think he was tired of fighting, tired of marching, tired of the war tents and all the planning of battle. He just wanted a little break. Put his feet up a little longer than usual this year. Wait just a touch longer and see how well his men could do on their own - that's leadership building, isn't it?
But while he was resting (lazing) he spied Bathsheba and that was the end of the David we knew and loved.
Was he still a man of GOD? Yes. Was he still anointed? Yes. But he lost a lot of respect, especially from the man in charge of his army, Joab. He made comments that show his feelings toward King David (like you'd better come now before I defeat this army without you and name the town after myself). He was also not happy with the way King David manipulated the battle to kill Uriah (if he gets mad about the men we lost, tell him Uriah was killed too.)
Is taking a break bad then? No way! GOD invented rest and rested HIMself. HE made rest one of the top ten laws. But there is a time and a season for everything. The season for King David was to be a season of battle, a time for war, and he was supposed to be in place on the battlefield. But he wasn't in position at the right time, and he ended up in the midst of a scandal instead.
(I'm not slammin' King David - he is such an encouragement to me because he made these mistakes and still was described as a man after GOD's own heart. Good things even came from his marriage to Bathsheba, including the future king. Just thought I should add that little disclaimer - no judgment here.)
We need to learn to recognize the seasons - a time to work and a time to rest. A time for war and a time for peace. We need the wisdom to be in the right place at the right time so we're never in the wrong place at the wrong time (like David when he saw Bathsheba).
So even though I have taken a little break from moving to write this blog (and take a deep breath) I know there is more yet to be done. I will try to linger over my coffee (I have to be honest people!), but I will deliberately choose to position myself so that things can be put in place, boxes can be emptied, and my house can be a sanctuary instead of an example of chaos. (GOD help me find the right position! Grant me the wisdom!)
Guess the television will be the LAST thing I put in place.
I think King David got tired too. 2 Samuel says that it was the spring, the time when kings usually went out to make war. But King David had stayed home. I think he was tired of fighting, tired of marching, tired of the war tents and all the planning of battle. He just wanted a little break. Put his feet up a little longer than usual this year. Wait just a touch longer and see how well his men could do on their own - that's leadership building, isn't it?
But while he was resting (lazing) he spied Bathsheba and that was the end of the David we knew and loved.
Was he still a man of GOD? Yes. Was he still anointed? Yes. But he lost a lot of respect, especially from the man in charge of his army, Joab. He made comments that show his feelings toward King David (like you'd better come now before I defeat this army without you and name the town after myself). He was also not happy with the way King David manipulated the battle to kill Uriah (if he gets mad about the men we lost, tell him Uriah was killed too.)
Is taking a break bad then? No way! GOD invented rest and rested HIMself. HE made rest one of the top ten laws. But there is a time and a season for everything. The season for King David was to be a season of battle, a time for war, and he was supposed to be in place on the battlefield. But he wasn't in position at the right time, and he ended up in the midst of a scandal instead.
(I'm not slammin' King David - he is such an encouragement to me because he made these mistakes and still was described as a man after GOD's own heart. Good things even came from his marriage to Bathsheba, including the future king. Just thought I should add that little disclaimer - no judgment here.)
We need to learn to recognize the seasons - a time to work and a time to rest. A time for war and a time for peace. We need the wisdom to be in the right place at the right time so we're never in the wrong place at the wrong time (like David when he saw Bathsheba).
So even though I have taken a little break from moving to write this blog (and take a deep breath) I know there is more yet to be done. I will try to linger over my coffee (I have to be honest people!), but I will deliberately choose to position myself so that things can be put in place, boxes can be emptied, and my house can be a sanctuary instead of an example of chaos. (GOD help me find the right position! Grant me the wisdom!)
Guess the television will be the LAST thing I put in place.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A Scary Dream That Taught Some Truth
Yeah, I like to write. I would say I've got a knack for it. My husband calls it a gift. My pastor calls me talented. But whatever anyone calls it, it is something I enjoy with all my heart.
When I became a wife, I learned quickly that my life was not my own anymore and that it was very rude to leave the nightstand light on when the hubby needs his sleep. So I stopped writing at night from bed. Not a huge loss, the desk works better anyway, and there are other fun things to do at night when you're married (wink, wink).
Then we had children - three in 30 months. I got busy with diapers, feedings, laundry, naptimes, etc and again lost a few other opportunities to write. It wasn't a loss I felt at the time, I was too busy!
About four years ago I became aware of a county poetry contest sponsored by the local library. I decided to enter (since poems are my favorite!) I didn't win, but it felt good to have written something. I didn't write anything else until the contest came around again - a full year later. Again, I didn't place, and this time I was a little sad, because I missed writing and also (if I am honest) because I was beginning to doubt that I had any talent at all.
It was shortly after this when I had the dream.
I was surrounded by people all carrying notebooks, pens, pencils, journals, even laptops - anything you could write with or on. They were creating the most beautiful lyrics, verses, the most wonderful prose. I was in awe and wanted to add my part, but I had nothing to write with. I borrowed something, but no words would come. I started to panic and when I woke I knew what had happened in my dream - GOD had taken my talent away and given it to those other people.
I cried and repented. I know HIS word says that if we don't use our talents, HE will take them away and give them to someone who will use them. Even if the talent is small to start with (like mine). I decided I had to MAKE time to write again. The kids were older at that point, so it was a little easier and I made the goal to write one poem per month. After a year, I realized I had done it - I had reached my goal! And when I entered the poetry contest again, this time I took first place!
Use your talents. Whether it's car alignment or scrapbooking or dog training, GOD has a purpose for what you can do. You'll be better off using it now than not having your talent at all. And my goal for this year is two poems per month.
When I became a wife, I learned quickly that my life was not my own anymore and that it was very rude to leave the nightstand light on when the hubby needs his sleep. So I stopped writing at night from bed. Not a huge loss, the desk works better anyway, and there are other fun things to do at night when you're married (wink, wink).
Then we had children - three in 30 months. I got busy with diapers, feedings, laundry, naptimes, etc and again lost a few other opportunities to write. It wasn't a loss I felt at the time, I was too busy!
About four years ago I became aware of a county poetry contest sponsored by the local library. I decided to enter (since poems are my favorite!) I didn't win, but it felt good to have written something. I didn't write anything else until the contest came around again - a full year later. Again, I didn't place, and this time I was a little sad, because I missed writing and also (if I am honest) because I was beginning to doubt that I had any talent at all.
It was shortly after this when I had the dream.
I was surrounded by people all carrying notebooks, pens, pencils, journals, even laptops - anything you could write with or on. They were creating the most beautiful lyrics, verses, the most wonderful prose. I was in awe and wanted to add my part, but I had nothing to write with. I borrowed something, but no words would come. I started to panic and when I woke I knew what had happened in my dream - GOD had taken my talent away and given it to those other people.
I cried and repented. I know HIS word says that if we don't use our talents, HE will take them away and give them to someone who will use them. Even if the talent is small to start with (like mine). I decided I had to MAKE time to write again. The kids were older at that point, so it was a little easier and I made the goal to write one poem per month. After a year, I realized I had done it - I had reached my goal! And when I entered the poetry contest again, this time I took first place!
Use your talents. Whether it's car alignment or scrapbooking or dog training, GOD has a purpose for what you can do. You'll be better off using it now than not having your talent at all. And my goal for this year is two poems per month.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
What Hell Might Be Like
I was going through my notebook and found this entry. I thought it was really cool, so I am posting it here. Hope it makes you think.
"Hell is defined as the complete separation from GOD. Not a very scary thought, considering most people are trying to live without HIM already. But I think we should consider this:
GOD gives us a future and a hope.
Hell, then, is an eternity of hopelessness and spiritual death.
GOD has plans and a purpose for us.
Hell would then be an eternal existence for no reason and with no goals.
Not scary enough?
Imagine being created with the ability to touch, but void of anything to reach for: no kittens, no hugs.
Or made with the ability to hear, but only silence reaches your ears for eternity.
The same goes for sight, smell, and taste. Nothing around but black emptiness, though you maintain all your faculties.
Hell is having gifts and talents and being unable to use, or even communicate, them.
It's not so much about the external torture, but the internal torture that will come from complete and total isolation. Everything GOD has given us to bless us will be cut off from HIM and will turn on us to provide the torture of the true hell - separation from GOD."
Kinda cool food for thought, huh?
"Hell is defined as the complete separation from GOD. Not a very scary thought, considering most people are trying to live without HIM already. But I think we should consider this:
GOD gives us a future and a hope.
Hell, then, is an eternity of hopelessness and spiritual death.
GOD has plans and a purpose for us.
Hell would then be an eternal existence for no reason and with no goals.
Not scary enough?
Imagine being created with the ability to touch, but void of anything to reach for: no kittens, no hugs.
Or made with the ability to hear, but only silence reaches your ears for eternity.
The same goes for sight, smell, and taste. Nothing around but black emptiness, though you maintain all your faculties.
Hell is having gifts and talents and being unable to use, or even communicate, them.
It's not so much about the external torture, but the internal torture that will come from complete and total isolation. Everything GOD has given us to bless us will be cut off from HIM and will turn on us to provide the torture of the true hell - separation from GOD."
Kinda cool food for thought, huh?
Monday, May 10, 2010
I Don't Have It All
Something clicked yesterday. I was teaching our 6th grade kids class and asked who had rough days (the point being that they could talk to GOD on those rough days). The things they shared blew my mind away!!! I never thought about the struggles and confusion they face when adults fight, when bullies attack, when friends lie to them, or when they have to move (like my kids did). I felt woefully ill-prepared to teach them, that's for sure!
I know how to help teenagers (for the most part). I know how to relate to adults too. But what do I say to a 10 year old when they were attacked by a bully on the playground and got in trouble for pushing the bully away? "Well, just pray" didn't seem good enough.
At our church we are blessed with an amazing woman who knows these answers. She is our children's pastor and teaches the abstract of GOD in an understandable way to these kids. Even as a parent of three in this age group, I am not able to do what she does. When my family moved two states away and the kids left their friends behind, I mostly consoled them with writing letters and the promise of occasional calls. You know, that really wasn't good enough. Their hearts were breaking. But they were able to turn to Pastor Lisa and find the peace they needed.
I may be their parent, but I don't have everything they will need.
That was hard to admit. I'm stubborn, I guess. But I'm also thankful for Pastor Lisa. It's great to know that when I lack, I am surrounded by others who can lift and support. You can fix on a certain way of doing things that seems right and looks right, but isn't completely right. But when someone comes alongside you who has it right where you don't, it's like a fresh breeze, revitalizing and fulfilling. All of a sudden you are changed, and for the better.
So next week in Kingdom Kids (children's church for y'all) I will be better prepared after having spent some time rubbing shoulders with Pastor Lisa.
I know how to help teenagers (for the most part). I know how to relate to adults too. But what do I say to a 10 year old when they were attacked by a bully on the playground and got in trouble for pushing the bully away? "Well, just pray" didn't seem good enough.
At our church we are blessed with an amazing woman who knows these answers. She is our children's pastor and teaches the abstract of GOD in an understandable way to these kids. Even as a parent of three in this age group, I am not able to do what she does. When my family moved two states away and the kids left their friends behind, I mostly consoled them with writing letters and the promise of occasional calls. You know, that really wasn't good enough. Their hearts were breaking. But they were able to turn to Pastor Lisa and find the peace they needed.
I may be their parent, but I don't have everything they will need.
That was hard to admit. I'm stubborn, I guess. But I'm also thankful for Pastor Lisa. It's great to know that when I lack, I am surrounded by others who can lift and support. You can fix on a certain way of doing things that seems right and looks right, but isn't completely right. But when someone comes alongside you who has it right where you don't, it's like a fresh breeze, revitalizing and fulfilling. All of a sudden you are changed, and for the better.
So next week in Kingdom Kids (children's church for y'all) I will be better prepared after having spent some time rubbing shoulders with Pastor Lisa.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Position Details
GOD loves the details. How do I know? Because the Bible is full of them!
One detail I have read and missed a lot (okay, every time until today) happened just shortly after David defeated Goliath. You can look this up for yourselves in 1 Samuel 18. He was promoted in the army and put in charge of a lot of men. He was praised by the people. But in the midst of all this glory and honor and positioning, we got to see a detail - he still played the harp for King Saul.
This was a task he did while he was still a shepherd boy for his dad. It was his first job in the palace (even though he was already anointed to take over the kingship). It was a job for a servant. And yet David continued to play the harp after the promotion, after the glory, after the praise. When all the cheering was outside, he went in, kneeled before his king and harp, and played music in a servants role, a task he should no longer have been required to do.
See, I like this because it reminds me that I'm never too good to kneel. I'm never too mighty to serve, even in roles that I started out doing and have been promoted away from doing. I used to help out in the nursery when my baby was a baby (she's 10). But now that I'm one of the youth pastors, well, I still work in the nursery, still teach the children. They are the details that GOD loves to love.
I guess my thought is this: position is important only if you're kneeling.
GOD bless!
One detail I have read and missed a lot (okay, every time until today) happened just shortly after David defeated Goliath. You can look this up for yourselves in 1 Samuel 18. He was promoted in the army and put in charge of a lot of men. He was praised by the people. But in the midst of all this glory and honor and positioning, we got to see a detail - he still played the harp for King Saul.
This was a task he did while he was still a shepherd boy for his dad. It was his first job in the palace (even though he was already anointed to take over the kingship). It was a job for a servant. And yet David continued to play the harp after the promotion, after the glory, after the praise. When all the cheering was outside, he went in, kneeled before his king and harp, and played music in a servants role, a task he should no longer have been required to do.
See, I like this because it reminds me that I'm never too good to kneel. I'm never too mighty to serve, even in roles that I started out doing and have been promoted away from doing. I used to help out in the nursery when my baby was a baby (she's 10). But now that I'm one of the youth pastors, well, I still work in the nursery, still teach the children. They are the details that GOD loves to love.
I guess my thought is this: position is important only if you're kneeling.
GOD bless!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Post-Retreat Ponderings
Our women's retreat was this last weekend and it was so filled with so many things I'm not even sure where to start! I went up with the first team to help set up chairs and signs and such and to make sure things were in order for the rest of the ladies. Keep in mind, I had nothing to do with organizing this retreat - I was just an extra pair of hands. But even being there early was a fun time of fellowship. It is amazing to me that you don't really know these women we see every week until you help one of them when they're trapped by a stack of chairs!
The rest of the ladies trickled in and I helped show them to their rooms and helped carry luggage. I think that was the neatest way to start the weekend - serving others. That first evening session was so filled with information it was all I could do to just write it all down - I figure I'll actually process it all in the coming weeks. Then I was up until about 1 am chatting and rubbing shoulders with the most amazing women of GOD. How could I not realize how deep and wise these women truly are?
The next morning I dragged myself out of bed around 6:30 for the am devotion because I didn't want to miss A THING! (It was made a little easier by the fact that they provided an endless source of coffee.) And the devotion was worth it. A morning session followed by more fellowship - I realize that Sundays are not enough to get to know the true measure of these ladies!
We had another powerful evening session and, without too much detail, we helped each other spiritually strip off our pasts and wrong thinking patterns and clothe each other with the right kinds of GOD-ly garments. We could not have done this kind of re-dressing alone. We need each other. And I don't think we even realize how much we do.
So what have I brought home that will change the rest of my life? I wish I could answer that. I think trust for these other ladies is a start. I have been hurt by women in the past (for being natural nurturers, we can be very mean to each other!) I also think I will try to make time to spend with them outside of church. There just is too much going on at church to really relate to them in a genuine, all-the-way-to-the-core kinda way. And I think that once we all have these kinds of relationships in our church, this kind of unity, we will be a powerful force of love that will affect our entire community. Okay, so, I guess that's something pretty big, huh?
The rest of the ladies trickled in and I helped show them to their rooms and helped carry luggage. I think that was the neatest way to start the weekend - serving others. That first evening session was so filled with information it was all I could do to just write it all down - I figure I'll actually process it all in the coming weeks. Then I was up until about 1 am chatting and rubbing shoulders with the most amazing women of GOD. How could I not realize how deep and wise these women truly are?
The next morning I dragged myself out of bed around 6:30 for the am devotion because I didn't want to miss A THING! (It was made a little easier by the fact that they provided an endless source of coffee.) And the devotion was worth it. A morning session followed by more fellowship - I realize that Sundays are not enough to get to know the true measure of these ladies!
We had another powerful evening session and, without too much detail, we helped each other spiritually strip off our pasts and wrong thinking patterns and clothe each other with the right kinds of GOD-ly garments. We could not have done this kind of re-dressing alone. We need each other. And I don't think we even realize how much we do.
So what have I brought home that will change the rest of my life? I wish I could answer that. I think trust for these other ladies is a start. I have been hurt by women in the past (for being natural nurturers, we can be very mean to each other!) I also think I will try to make time to spend with them outside of church. There just is too much going on at church to really relate to them in a genuine, all-the-way-to-the-core kinda way. And I think that once we all have these kinds of relationships in our church, this kind of unity, we will be a powerful force of love that will affect our entire community. Okay, so, I guess that's something pretty big, huh?
Friday, April 16, 2010
Still Love Jennifer Knapp
This week Jennifer made the decision to open up her personal life and reveal that she is a lesbian. Not only that, but she is in a relationship (with a woman, duh!) and has been for several years. My first reaction? My heart broke. I wanted to cry. I have enjoyed her music since her first album and this felt like a betrayal, like I had never even known her (crazy, because I didn't - I just thought I did because of her beautiful and powerful lyrics and melodies). I felt like I had lost a friend.
So I talked to my husband. He was shocked as well, but being a man and my rock on earth, he was less emotional. We talked a lot, especially about whether or not GOD would still be able to use her - she is sooo gifted!!! We talked about how far GOD's grace would reach before HIS holiness prevented contact. We didn't come up with many answers.
So reading in Romans last night, I think I got a greater inkling into GOD's great grace. Romans 14 says this (NCV) "Accept into your group one who is weak in faith, and do not argue about opinions. One person believes it is right to eat all kinds of food. But another, who is weak, believes it is right to eat only vegetables. The one who knows that it is right to eat any kind of food must not reject the one who eats only vegetables. And the person who eats only vegetables must not think that the one who eats all foods is wrong, because GOD has accepted that person."
GOD's acceptance reaches beyond the rules. So should mine. So when my friend says she is gay and lives that lifestyle without repentance, I will choose to accept her and love her. It is for her and her Lord to figure it out, without judgment from me. (HE accepts me despite my gossiping tongue and my nearly gluttonous love of chocolate.)
I believe Jennifer still loves GOD and respects her fans. I know this because she has an album out next month and news like this could kill her sales from her Christian fans. But she didn't want them to find out later and have it affect how loudly they sing along with her music. She didn't want them to feel deceived or to question her motives.
So I still love Jennifer. I can only imagine the struggle she grapples with, even now, after the news has come out. I see her courage on a whole new level. I may not agree with the spiritual rules she lives by, but I will choose not to judge. I choose instead to love and accept her the way that GOD has asked.
So I talked to my husband. He was shocked as well, but being a man and my rock on earth, he was less emotional. We talked a lot, especially about whether or not GOD would still be able to use her - she is sooo gifted!!! We talked about how far GOD's grace would reach before HIS holiness prevented contact. We didn't come up with many answers.
So reading in Romans last night, I think I got a greater inkling into GOD's great grace. Romans 14 says this (NCV) "Accept into your group one who is weak in faith, and do not argue about opinions. One person believes it is right to eat all kinds of food. But another, who is weak, believes it is right to eat only vegetables. The one who knows that it is right to eat any kind of food must not reject the one who eats only vegetables. And the person who eats only vegetables must not think that the one who eats all foods is wrong, because GOD has accepted that person."
GOD's acceptance reaches beyond the rules. So should mine. So when my friend says she is gay and lives that lifestyle without repentance, I will choose to accept her and love her. It is for her and her Lord to figure it out, without judgment from me. (HE accepts me despite my gossiping tongue and my nearly gluttonous love of chocolate.)
I believe Jennifer still loves GOD and respects her fans. I know this because she has an album out next month and news like this could kill her sales from her Christian fans. But she didn't want them to find out later and have it affect how loudly they sing along with her music. She didn't want them to feel deceived or to question her motives.
So I still love Jennifer. I can only imagine the struggle she grapples with, even now, after the news has come out. I see her courage on a whole new level. I may not agree with the spiritual rules she lives by, but I will choose not to judge. I choose instead to love and accept her the way that GOD has asked.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
My Bangs Look Good - Soooo GOOD!
First off, let me say I read this book with really high expectations. I follow Susanna's blog faithfully (it's on my home page) and her insight and humor have always brightened my heart. So when I received a copy of her book "My Bangs Look Good & Other Lies I Tell Myself," I couldn't wait to open it up and devour every word! I sat right down (okay, I made a cup of coffee and grabbed a cookie too - alright, two cookies!)
But then I couldn't get past the first chapter!
The truth that was in the very first pages hit my heart is such a deep and meaningful way that I had to set it down and digest what I had just read. Then I read that first chapter again (before I even peeked at the second chapter). Again, I laughed and cried (within minutes of each other) - confusing my kids, scaring the cats, and making my husband mutter something I didn't quite catch as he left the room.
The rest of the book was much the same. I couldn't get very far before I had to take a pause and reflect. Each chapter addresses a lie that we as Christian women (and tired supergirls!) sometimes fall for, even live by. Now I have been a Christian for (dare I saw it?) decades now and a youth pastor with my husband for nearly 15 years. I figured if I didn't have it ALL together, at least I had enough going right for me that I wasn't a total mess up and wasn't leading anyone in the wrong direction. And yet this book revealed some lies that I was totally snared by!
I am glad to say that I wasn't falling for every lie this book exposes (YAY!). But even those chapters that didn't address something I struggled with were still full of truth and wisdom (and funny, relatable stories!). Susanna's writing style is easy to follow and this book is witty, amusing, insightful, heartfelt, and feels like you're having coffee with your best girlfriend. (I guess it helps if you have coffee and cookies while you're reading it). You will laugh out loud (so I don't recommend reading it on a bus or subway) and you will probably shed a few tears as well (so keep that in mind when reading near your husband).
This is a wonderful book and you will want to have a copy for yourself so you can read it over and over again, and then you'll also want a copy to share with friends so you can all discuss it over coffee and cookies (I see a theme already!)
"My Bangs Look Good & Other Lies I Tell Myself" by Susanna Foth Aughtmon
"Available now at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group."
Or to find the book on Amazon click here: http://www.tinyurl.com/goodbangs
And click here to find Susanna's amazing blog "Confessions of a Tired Supergirl": http://tiredsupergirl.blogspot.com/
But then I couldn't get past the first chapter!
The truth that was in the very first pages hit my heart is such a deep and meaningful way that I had to set it down and digest what I had just read. Then I read that first chapter again (before I even peeked at the second chapter). Again, I laughed and cried (within minutes of each other) - confusing my kids, scaring the cats, and making my husband mutter something I didn't quite catch as he left the room.
The rest of the book was much the same. I couldn't get very far before I had to take a pause and reflect. Each chapter addresses a lie that we as Christian women (and tired supergirls!) sometimes fall for, even live by. Now I have been a Christian for (dare I saw it?) decades now and a youth pastor with my husband for nearly 15 years. I figured if I didn't have it ALL together, at least I had enough going right for me that I wasn't a total mess up and wasn't leading anyone in the wrong direction. And yet this book revealed some lies that I was totally snared by!
I am glad to say that I wasn't falling for every lie this book exposes (YAY!). But even those chapters that didn't address something I struggled with were still full of truth and wisdom (and funny, relatable stories!). Susanna's writing style is easy to follow and this book is witty, amusing, insightful, heartfelt, and feels like you're having coffee with your best girlfriend. (I guess it helps if you have coffee and cookies while you're reading it). You will laugh out loud (so I don't recommend reading it on a bus or subway) and you will probably shed a few tears as well (so keep that in mind when reading near your husband).
This is a wonderful book and you will want to have a copy for yourself so you can read it over and over again, and then you'll also want a copy to share with friends so you can all discuss it over coffee and cookies (I see a theme already!)
"My Bangs Look Good & Other Lies I Tell Myself" by Susanna Foth Aughtmon
"Available now at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group."
Or to find the book on Amazon click here: http://www.tinyurl.com/goodbangs
And click here to find Susanna's amazing blog "Confessions of a Tired Supergirl": http://tiredsupergirl.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Put On Your Grace Face
WOW! I just got back from a conference near Seattle, WA and it was amazzzing! I was blessed to see teens worship GOD with excited enthusiasm and an almost reckless abandon. The teens we brought with us were so touched and inspired to speak more about Jesus and HIS great grace. Jealous yet?
Here's the scoop - we were taught by a man who has prostitues and strippers at every service (his church is in Las Vegas) and guess what? THEY FEEL WELCOME THERE!! Why? - because Jesus is the embodiment of grace. HIS best friends were fishermen (and y'all know most anglers are great liars!) and tax collectors and sinners. HE was followed by protitutes too, and they loved HIM. The question to ask is not why Jesus hung out with them but why did they hang out with HIM?
Simply put, that's the grace of GOD.
GOD is a holy GOD. HE cannot be in the sight of sin and cannot even look on it. But Jesus, as a human, could. HE shows us the grace that balances the justice that gives us the complete picture of GOD.
As the church Jesus trained and left behind on earth, it's our job to continue showing that grace to every person who needs to see it (that's everyone, right?) Welcome them to church. Sit next to them, no matter how bad they smell. And when they inform that they still sin, you can tell them what the Bible says and love them through it all, even when you don't see them changing anything. It's NOT your job to make them quit sinning. GOD alone has that power.
So this weekend I learned a lot about GOD's grace. We judge so easily and mete out GOD's justice readily, but what we really need to hand out is the same thing we all need the most - HIS unending grace.
Here's the scoop - we were taught by a man who has prostitues and strippers at every service (his church is in Las Vegas) and guess what? THEY FEEL WELCOME THERE!! Why? - because Jesus is the embodiment of grace. HIS best friends were fishermen (and y'all know most anglers are great liars!) and tax collectors and sinners. HE was followed by protitutes too, and they loved HIM. The question to ask is not why Jesus hung out with them but why did they hang out with HIM?
Simply put, that's the grace of GOD.
GOD is a holy GOD. HE cannot be in the sight of sin and cannot even look on it. But Jesus, as a human, could. HE shows us the grace that balances the justice that gives us the complete picture of GOD.
As the church Jesus trained and left behind on earth, it's our job to continue showing that grace to every person who needs to see it (that's everyone, right?) Welcome them to church. Sit next to them, no matter how bad they smell. And when they inform that they still sin, you can tell them what the Bible says and love them through it all, even when you don't see them changing anything. It's NOT your job to make them quit sinning. GOD alone has that power.
So this weekend I learned a lot about GOD's grace. We judge so easily and mete out GOD's justice readily, but what we really need to hand out is the same thing we all need the most - HIS unending grace.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
To Save A Life - Movie Review
We heard about the movie "To Save A Life" from our pastor who wanted us to check it out and see if it would be appropriate for our teenagers (it has a PG-13 rating that he was a little worried about). We read a lot of reviews about it online and decided we'd go for it. We invited our teenagers to it on a Saturday, and liked it so much we invited the entire church to go the following Wednesday.
I personally feel this movie is a must see for anyone who has anything to do with teenagers in any aspect of their lives. I think this will help in understanding what teens go through, the things they face every day at school, the issues they deal with, the way they think about things, and what they really want from us - it's not what you would probably think.
Aside from what we could learn from this movie, there's also the entertainment factor - this was a good movie to watch. It was engaging: I laughed, I cried, I felt the extreme emotions our teens face. It wasn't a cheesy movie and it wasn't preachy at all. Yes, there are scenes in which our characters have something to learn, but the script stays away from sounding like a Sunday morning sermon.
This is a movie I will definitely buy when it comes out on video.
Confession Time
It's time for me to admit something that is getting harder and harder to conceal.
I cry - A LOT!!!
This affliction seems laughable (which can also trigger the waterworks) but it has caused a lot of confusion in my family. My husband can say something hurtful or something uplifting and is really perplexed when he sees the same reaction running down my cheeks. My tender-hearted children walk into the living room just after a touching commercial and look around in confusion as they try to figure out what made Mom so sad.
It's getting a little easier for them as they understand me a little more. Watching one of those really heartfelt animated flicks, my son yelled across the room "you can quit crying now, Mom!" when the scene departed from the poignant. He's 8.
But the thing I find most interesting is the change that has come over my husband. When we married 13 years ago, he knew I was a softie (although the actual depth of my tenderness was still a mystery) and he was my warrior (which, interestingly enough, is what his name actually means). He's strong, inside and out, but lately, he's been crying even more than I have. (Okay, that was an exaggeration, but he has welled up much more frequently than our first year of marriage.)
This tells me a lot about tears.
So I confess, I cry, I sob, I well-up, and I rest, cleanse, and strengthen my soul.
I cry.
I cry - A LOT!!!
This affliction seems laughable (which can also trigger the waterworks) but it has caused a lot of confusion in my family. My husband can say something hurtful or something uplifting and is really perplexed when he sees the same reaction running down my cheeks. My tender-hearted children walk into the living room just after a touching commercial and look around in confusion as they try to figure out what made Mom so sad.
It's getting a little easier for them as they understand me a little more. Watching one of those really heartfelt animated flicks, my son yelled across the room "you can quit crying now, Mom!" when the scene departed from the poignant. He's 8.
But the thing I find most interesting is the change that has come over my husband. When we married 13 years ago, he knew I was a softie (although the actual depth of my tenderness was still a mystery) and he was my warrior (which, interestingly enough, is what his name actually means). He's strong, inside and out, but lately, he's been crying even more than I have. (Okay, that was an exaggeration, but he has welled up much more frequently than our first year of marriage.)
This tells me a lot about tears.
- My strong man has only gotten stronger, and yet he cries more - there is strength in tears.
- Tears are a release and an outlet - crying can therefore be a time of cleansing.
- My husband cries more and has his guard up less - tears can be a sign of comfort and rest.
- Even laughter can cause the tears to fall - joy and pain can have a relationship in the depths of our hearts.
So I confess, I cry, I sob, I well-up, and I rest, cleanse, and strengthen my soul.
I cry.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Humor-us
I have three kids.
They bicker. They fight.
They also work together to accomplish amazing feats of fort construction.
But during one heated bicker-match, they got really mad.
Until...
My son looked his older sister in the eye and said, "If you're going to hit me, hit me in a GOD-ly way."
His sister was too busy giggling as she tried to figure that one out to actually hurt anyone.
Thank GOD for humor!
They bicker. They fight.
They also work together to accomplish amazing feats of fort construction.
But during one heated bicker-match, they got really mad.
Until...
My son looked his older sister in the eye and said, "If you're going to hit me, hit me in a GOD-ly way."
His sister was too busy giggling as she tried to figure that one out to actually hurt anyone.
Thank GOD for humor!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Safe Keeping
Never let it be said that a woman who has a way with words can't be speechless.
However, that woman is not me.
Matthew West recently requested that people submit their stories to inspire songs for his next album. He wants it to be all about our stories. I didn't submit a word. It wasn't because I didn't have anything to say, it was because it had a 500 word limit!
Okay, okay, that wasn't the reason (but it made you laugh, admit it!) I really didn't have a whole lot to say. GOD's main work in me has been quiet, and behind the scenes. I've never parted the Red Sea, never fed thousands, and never spoken to multitudes. I haven't overcome addiction, left an abusive relationship, nor have I even worked in a soup line. I applaud those who do. I celebrate them. I rejoice with their victories and weep with their sorrows. But my own story? It's a bit more mundane.
My husband loves my story. He says it is one of the most powerful stories about what GOD is capable of doing in a person's life. (I love my husband - he's wonderful!) This is a man who overcame an abusive childhood, struggled with drugs and alcohol, and still preaches about GOD's hope and saving power to teenagers every week. And he likes my story - a story about the keeping power of GOD.
I had a mom who taught me to pray before I even learned to read. I had neighbors who taught me faithfulness every week when they gave me rides to church. I had friends who thought drugs and alcohol were a waste of time. And I served a GOD who has always had big plans for me. I never had to overcome, I never struggled with self-forgiveness, and never strayed far from the straight and narrow. I knew GOD at such an early age and HE kept me from so many situations and temptations that my story is almost a little boring to me. But it's fascinating to my husband. He finds it beyond amazing that I have never been drunk. He loves that he is the only man I have ever given myself to. He laughs when I tell him I have no idea what 'weed' looks like. But that's the keeping power of GOD - HE kept me out of those situations that could prove to be traps or snares.
Not the making's of a great story, I'm the first to admit it. But it's pretty cool what our GOD can do - HE can make the way straight and remove stumbling blocks. HE can help us avoid the pitfalls and snares. HE made a plan an eternity ago and decided then that HE would rather die than live without us. HE makes a way, whether it's by keeping us out of trouble or scooping us out of trouble.
So I may not have a lot to say about my own story, nothing there to really write a song about (Matthew), but I can talk for ages about the keeping and saving power of GOD.
However, that woman is not me.
Matthew West recently requested that people submit their stories to inspire songs for his next album. He wants it to be all about our stories. I didn't submit a word. It wasn't because I didn't have anything to say, it was because it had a 500 word limit!
Okay, okay, that wasn't the reason (but it made you laugh, admit it!) I really didn't have a whole lot to say. GOD's main work in me has been quiet, and behind the scenes. I've never parted the Red Sea, never fed thousands, and never spoken to multitudes. I haven't overcome addiction, left an abusive relationship, nor have I even worked in a soup line. I applaud those who do. I celebrate them. I rejoice with their victories and weep with their sorrows. But my own story? It's a bit more mundane.
My husband loves my story. He says it is one of the most powerful stories about what GOD is capable of doing in a person's life. (I love my husband - he's wonderful!) This is a man who overcame an abusive childhood, struggled with drugs and alcohol, and still preaches about GOD's hope and saving power to teenagers every week. And he likes my story - a story about the keeping power of GOD.
I had a mom who taught me to pray before I even learned to read. I had neighbors who taught me faithfulness every week when they gave me rides to church. I had friends who thought drugs and alcohol were a waste of time. And I served a GOD who has always had big plans for me. I never had to overcome, I never struggled with self-forgiveness, and never strayed far from the straight and narrow. I knew GOD at such an early age and HE kept me from so many situations and temptations that my story is almost a little boring to me. But it's fascinating to my husband. He finds it beyond amazing that I have never been drunk. He loves that he is the only man I have ever given myself to. He laughs when I tell him I have no idea what 'weed' looks like. But that's the keeping power of GOD - HE kept me out of those situations that could prove to be traps or snares.
Not the making's of a great story, I'm the first to admit it. But it's pretty cool what our GOD can do - HE can make the way straight and remove stumbling blocks. HE can help us avoid the pitfalls and snares. HE made a plan an eternity ago and decided then that HE would rather die than live without us. HE makes a way, whether it's by keeping us out of trouble or scooping us out of trouble.
So I may not have a lot to say about my own story, nothing there to really write a song about (Matthew), but I can talk for ages about the keeping and saving power of GOD.
Small Steps, Big Steps
Okay so I've made a few plans to improve myself. (I am hearing laughter in the back of my mind already.) But seriously, I picked six main areas to improve, but that proved to be way too much to do all at once. So I broke it down into baby steps. My baby steps were simple: pray each night for the kiddos while they were still awake enough to hear it, write a budget and try to follow it (not expecting perfection right out of the gate here either) and to become a more organized person by making sure the dishes were done before bed every night. Ahhh...such good intentions! The minute I set these goals, they weren't enough. I needed to do something about my weight, take classes to better my mind (please!), join a group to help me stay on all these tasks (by adding more tasks...really?) and now even my family is adding a few suggestions. "Mom, you should make a menu for all the dinners we'll eat each month - maybe even give us choices every night!" "Let's have a bake sale! Mom, you want to make four hundred dozen cookies, right?" Are you kidding me! Sheesh!
I really don't need help finding the many areas I need to improve. Truly. I find them all by myself. That makes it so hard to stick with just the three I've chosen, especially on those days when I feel like I'm letting everyone else down. Such a curse, being a people-pleaser.
But I've learned (and am re-learning daily) that there is only One I need to please. And I love that HE knows me so well that HE is never disappointed in me. Disappointment comes from unmet expectations - since HE knows exactly what I am going to do, HE never expects anything other than what I am going to do, therefore there's no disappointment. HE loves me as I am right now and loves me too much to let me stay that way.
I like the example of a kid on the playground. You watch your child and love him dearly as he's going down the slide. You love him while he's swinging back and forth. You love him while he's playing in the sand. And when he puts the sand in his mouth, well, you still love him, but you never let him stay that way.
So I've stopped at my three little baby steps. Any more is too much right now. But I'm not staying at these three baby steps. Once I have managed to make them habits, then I will take another bite out of my self-improvement list - the steps will be bigger, maybe even try four instead of just three this time. The point is, I'm on my way. I'm not staying in place, but I am moving forward, small steps for now, but the potential for bigger steps is unlimited. And I will do this to please the only One that matters.
I really don't need help finding the many areas I need to improve. Truly. I find them all by myself. That makes it so hard to stick with just the three I've chosen, especially on those days when I feel like I'm letting everyone else down. Such a curse, being a people-pleaser.
But I've learned (and am re-learning daily) that there is only One I need to please. And I love that HE knows me so well that HE is never disappointed in me. Disappointment comes from unmet expectations - since HE knows exactly what I am going to do, HE never expects anything other than what I am going to do, therefore there's no disappointment. HE loves me as I am right now and loves me too much to let me stay that way.
I like the example of a kid on the playground. You watch your child and love him dearly as he's going down the slide. You love him while he's swinging back and forth. You love him while he's playing in the sand. And when he puts the sand in his mouth, well, you still love him, but you never let him stay that way.
So I've stopped at my three little baby steps. Any more is too much right now. But I'm not staying at these three baby steps. Once I have managed to make them habits, then I will take another bite out of my self-improvement list - the steps will be bigger, maybe even try four instead of just three this time. The point is, I'm on my way. I'm not staying in place, but I am moving forward, small steps for now, but the potential for bigger steps is unlimited. And I will do this to please the only One that matters.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Begin Again
So, I haven't had a great start to my determined self-discipline. Seems like for every baby step forward, I have three trips that make me stumble back. No one said it would be easy, but I figured since they were such small things, I would be able to pull it off without a hitch. Not so much! I wrote all about it in my other blog, thinking I could just copy and paste it here. Guess they have protections against doing that - I couldn't get it to work. But here is the link:
http://www.waxmom23.wordpress.com
So to sum up the process so far - UGGHHH!!!
http://www.waxmom23.wordpress.com
So to sum up the process so far - UGGHHH!!!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Dirty Discipline
UGGHH! Discipline has reared its head again! Being a disciple means discipline, but seriously, aren't I doing well enough to pass the "she's a good person" test? If I'm gonna be honest (and good people need to be) I would have to say no. Surprised? I fall short in several areas, but the common theme in all of my shortcomings is laziness (aka lack of discipline). UUUGGGHHH again!
But this week I made a step in the right direction - I joined an accountability team at my church. Now I may still be weak, but hopefully having to share the depth of my failures will motivate me to fail less. And when I do struggle, hopefully their cheering and encouragement (and tough love, I'm sure) will help me strive to get over the hump of the huge rut I'm in.
It's not good to be alone. Not for too long anyway. Jesus surrounded HIMself with men (who also had faults, by the way) and Paul encourages believers to be sure meet with each other regularly. Then there's the whole "cord of three won't break" idea. We are stronger together. We can be better together. So where did the strong loner idea get such a foothold in my life?
I like my alone time. I love to meditate on GOD's Word without interruption and write my poems without the input or distraction of others. I even enjoy the quiet silence of a rainy day. I like to stay home and not have to go anywhere. But where does that all lead - look how each sentence started (I, I, I, I...) see where I'm going? When you are your only company, then only your opinion matters and your entire world circles around self. Not a good state of being. But when we meet with others we allow them to shape us, we allow their ideas to challenge us, and their iron sharpens ours.
This is where the discipline comes in. It's not easy to let others shape what we selfishly think is fine (just ask any personal trainer!) But GOD did not create us to be stagnant creatures. And it isn't easy for us to get up for something we know will not feel good. But ask Jesus how it felt when HE didn't want to be on the cross. HE would still say it was worth it. (Billions of times over it was worth it! It was worth it for each individual!)
So I guess this was my pep talk. I'm kicking my butt into gear with these words. And my first accountability team meeting will be coming up soon. UGGH! But I will do this and I will be better for it! (Hmmm...an act of will....)
But this week I made a step in the right direction - I joined an accountability team at my church. Now I may still be weak, but hopefully having to share the depth of my failures will motivate me to fail less. And when I do struggle, hopefully their cheering and encouragement (and tough love, I'm sure) will help me strive to get over the hump of the huge rut I'm in.
It's not good to be alone. Not for too long anyway. Jesus surrounded HIMself with men (who also had faults, by the way) and Paul encourages believers to be sure meet with each other regularly. Then there's the whole "cord of three won't break" idea. We are stronger together. We can be better together. So where did the strong loner idea get such a foothold in my life?
I like my alone time. I love to meditate on GOD's Word without interruption and write my poems without the input or distraction of others. I even enjoy the quiet silence of a rainy day. I like to stay home and not have to go anywhere. But where does that all lead - look how each sentence started (I, I, I, I...) see where I'm going? When you are your only company, then only your opinion matters and your entire world circles around self. Not a good state of being. But when we meet with others we allow them to shape us, we allow their ideas to challenge us, and their iron sharpens ours.
This is where the discipline comes in. It's not easy to let others shape what we selfishly think is fine (just ask any personal trainer!) But GOD did not create us to be stagnant creatures. And it isn't easy for us to get up for something we know will not feel good. But ask Jesus how it felt when HE didn't want to be on the cross. HE would still say it was worth it. (Billions of times over it was worth it! It was worth it for each individual!)
So I guess this was my pep talk. I'm kicking my butt into gear with these words. And my first accountability team meeting will be coming up soon. UGGH! But I will do this and I will be better for it! (Hmmm...an act of will....)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
GOD redefined
Don't let the title fool you - I am absolutely a Bible believing Christian and weigh the teachings I hear against the Word before I accept a new idea. I'm just fastidious that way. But last night I heard a concept that I suppose I had an brief inkling of but never fully pondered or examined to any extent. But it has stretched my thinking in a wonderful way about my Maker.
GOD, the Father of creation, formed the earth and everything in it in HIS womb. HE bounces us on HIS maternal knee. HE protects us like a mother. Yes, it's true...GOD the Father can also be seen as GOD the Mother. Now I know that GOD technically has no gender, but HE is always referred to as a male, a father figure. But HE is the one who formed us; it was HIS labor that gave us life. HE delivered us here. HE holds us, comforts us, teaches us, and has all those motherly traits.
It makes sense - after all, we, male and female, were made in the image and likeness of GOD. Since we are not all male, then it follows that somewhere in all that GOD is are those female traits. Yes GOD is spirit and has no physical gender assignations. He transcends, and yet includes, both male and female. (Thank you Nooma!)
So GOD is more than we give HIM credit for. I've known that our image of GOD is influenced and shaped by our relationships/images of our earthly fathers, but has my view of my mom shaped how I see and relate to GOD? Not shaped how I see HIM so much, but she is the reason I know GOD, she laid my spiritual foundation. Moms have a definite influence on how we relate to GOD. I just never really thought about it until now.
So what does this information mean to me now? I think it can help shape (broaden and expand) my view of GOD. There will be fewer limits to who HE is. And with more understanding, there will come a closer relationship.
GOD, the Father of creation, formed the earth and everything in it in HIS womb. HE bounces us on HIS maternal knee. HE protects us like a mother. Yes, it's true...GOD the Father can also be seen as GOD the Mother. Now I know that GOD technically has no gender, but HE is always referred to as a male, a father figure. But HE is the one who formed us; it was HIS labor that gave us life. HE delivered us here. HE holds us, comforts us, teaches us, and has all those motherly traits.
It makes sense - after all, we, male and female, were made in the image and likeness of GOD. Since we are not all male, then it follows that somewhere in all that GOD is are those female traits. Yes GOD is spirit and has no physical gender assignations. He transcends, and yet includes, both male and female. (Thank you Nooma!)
So GOD is more than we give HIM credit for. I've known that our image of GOD is influenced and shaped by our relationships/images of our earthly fathers, but has my view of my mom shaped how I see and relate to GOD? Not shaped how I see HIM so much, but she is the reason I know GOD, she laid my spiritual foundation. Moms have a definite influence on how we relate to GOD. I just never really thought about it until now.
So what does this information mean to me now? I think it can help shape (broaden and expand) my view of GOD. There will be fewer limits to who HE is. And with more understanding, there will come a closer relationship.
Monday, January 4, 2010
And All of a Sudden -
Change often comes so gradually that we don't even recognize when it happens. It gently rolls over us, marking us in subtle ways, until, like an ancient river viewed hundreds of years later, we are completely different. Then there are those changes that strike like a tsunami, wiping out every trace of the familiar and changing the landscape in such sweeping and monumental ways that we know there is no way back, we are forever altered. One thing that is constant about change (funny that there could be anything constant about change!) - you will face it, you will see it, and it will make you different. There's no fighting it, for even in the fighting, you will be altered. So I was praying for the powerful kind of change to come one night during our youth church. I am the impatient sort. I want so see things happen NOW. I want the job done NOW. I want the progress NOW. But guess what? GOD granted one more night in which the changes were subtle and the river remained calm - moving, flowing, washing, and shaping all under the surface and out of my sight. And yet, I caught a glimpse. Just a fleeting moment of insight where I could see the river's foundation move. It is for that glimpse that I will keep on doing what I do in the lives of our teenagers.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Old Embracing New
This is such a great time for brand new starts, do-overs, and even for reminiscing; doing a mental inventory of things we liked about the past year, things that didn't go so well, things we'd like to change. New Year's Day has a special significance to me this year because we recently moved back to my old hometown after being away for nearly a decade. Our same friends are here, the same church, the same buildings, but in all that familiarity, there is a pervasive sense of the unfamiliar. Buildings are the same, but there are different businesses in them now. The church is the same, with the same goals and purpose, but the dress code has relaxed and the atmosphere is much more open. And my friends, with whom I can chat like no time has passed at all, well they've all been through ten years of life changes and experiences. There have been divorces and marriages, kids and grandkids, heartbreak and celebration. These will change a person. The differences are subtle, but glaring at the same time. It's with these things in my head that I celebrate the birth of 2010. I may be saying farewell to 2009, but it will never be gone. It has made its mark and can't be erased, not from any of us, but we can, while being marked by it, embrace the new year. Like an old woman hugging a child, I can take all of my experiences from the past and cherish the potential in the new, celebrate the hope I see there, and truly welcome the new. I won't mourn what is behind me, I will remember, and in remembering, be much more able to appreciate what comes next.
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