Walking Broken

 

    Almost two weeks ago, I injured my ankle.  Oh, it was a loud POP!  Oh, it hurt so much!  But oh, I decided to walk it off.  Yeah, I limped, and tried to hide it.  Even though it popped and hurt, I thought it wasn't that big of a deal and didn't want to let anyone know.  But the pain didn't go away.  It couldn't just be 'walked off'.  Then it started swelling on top of the pain. 

 

 

 

 

     I finally had to mention it to my family and see a doctor.  Turns out, I had actually broken a chip off of the bone.

 

 

 

    I had been walking around for two weeks on a broken ankle.  Luckily, because it was minor, I hadn't caused any additional damage.  Not everyone can say that.

   One of the young men in our church (he had actually been in our youth group when he was a teenager) recently passed away.  He was only 29 and left behind a wife, two young girls, and another on the way. He had been fighting lung cancer and it was responding well to treatments, when another tumor of a different kind of cancer was found in his other lung.  He delayed treatment because his job for the coming week was out of town.  He began struggling to breathe, finally went to the hospital, and because of fluid built up around his heart, he contracted an infection and died.

    Why do we cover our vulnerabilities?  Why do we insist on walking around wounded?  Why do we hide when we need help he most?

    I have come to the conclusion that the answer, for me, is that I am a control freak.  I have to control how people see me.  I must be seen as strong.  I must be perceived as capable.  I must be available to be compassionate to others, not be in need of compassion myself. 

How messed up is that?

    GOD promises that HE is strong and powerful in the midst of our weaknesses.  In 2 Corinthians 12:9 HE says through Paul "My Grace is sufficient for you and my strength is made perfect in weakness."  Paul's conclusion is to then boast about his weaknesses and struggles so that GOD would be glorified.  While that may not be my response to struggles right now, it will be.  I've seen the power that can come from that kind of open honesty.

    At the celebration of life service for the young man I mentioned, his mom stepped up to the mic at the end of a sharing period and what she said blew my mind.  I wish it had been recorded...it would have gone viral in no time.  She thanked everyone for sharing such warm memories of her son.  Then she proceeded to share about his wicked heart.  She said of course he had a wicked heart. We all do.  And he struggled all his life with his anger, never feeling accepted, and feelings of unworthiness (which led him to make poor decisions).  He had been married twice and was abusive, she went on to share.  And he gave his life to Jesus about two weeks before he died.  She said that in the hospital after the doctor declared him to be dead, she knew that he was in heaven having a talk with Jesus, and having come face to face with that kind of love and complete acceptance, something he never felt in this life, he simply refused to return to earth.

    Without that complete honesty, who could possibly have understood the amazing depth of the love of GOD?  Without that openness and vulnerability, who would have missed the opportunity to find that love and salvation for themselves, found acceptance for themselves?  Thank GOD for the faith and perspective of that mother who loved GOD and her son enough to be honest, and to have such an eternal perspective.  She cared more for the glory of GOD and salvation for people than she cared about protecting the final reputation of her son.  I am humbled by the lesson and love with that woman.  SO ... it's time to be vulnerable, and in that place find GOD's strength.

Hidden

Let me just say I love where I live!  We live in the middle of a valley with beautiful mountain ranges all around us.  The views constantly amaze me, no matter how often I see them.  One day, just driving down the road, I see this:






The snow-capped mountains that have become my visual snack each day were nearly obscured by a layer of wispy clouds.  I couldn't resist a picture.  It was just so ethereal. 

And then I heard myself pray, "Lord, take the best of me and hide it in You.  Let anyone seeking You also find the best of me.  Hide me so completely in You that all anyone can see of me is You."

Hidden glory.  Covered majesty.  Taking the best and rendering it unseen.  Because I have always been okay with not being glorified.  Because I am always okay with GOD getting the glory.  Make me like these mountains, GOD.  If anyone desires to truly know me, they have to know You first.  And let everything that I am bring only glory to You.

Roots Unseen

There's this tree a few blocks from our church that is tall, beautiful, and majestic, even with winter's bareness still on it.  It's strong and thick, and has obviously been growing and thriving for many decades.  Then, one day, I was struck by the roots.  Even though they were underground, they had completely moved the sidewalk out of the way, reducing it to crumbles of concrete.

 

 

It dawned on me that people can be like that tree.  We grow tall and strong. Over the decades, we become beautiful and majestic, no matter the season we are in.  And most of our strength, like the tree, can be found in the roots.

 

 

In our roots, we find our connections to the nutrients and water we need, yet they are hidden from view.  In our relationship with Jesus, our strength and nourishment come from the hidden time we spend with our Savior.  In those roots, we find our anchor and connection, the reason we can grow so tall and radiate majesty.  All of which are hidden.

 

 

How many times are we discouraged by our seeming lack of growth?  How many times do we feel concrete barriers blocking us from getting to where we want to be? 

 

 

This tree shows us that there is no barrier strong enough to keep GOD's growth from bursting forth in our lives.  Our strength and growth all happen unseen and underground until it is time for it to be upward and seen.  There has to be a strong root system before a full grown tree can be supported. All of that takes place in the hidden underground.  
Sometimes even hidden from ourselves.

 

 

If you find yourself discouraged, take a cue from this tree.  Know that you are growing, you are strong, and you are hidden in HIM.  HE will take care of the growth.  Have faith.  You are more than a tree.

Cup of Sacrifice

I think my favorite part about church is the music portion.  There is just something so powerful about music, the way it can break through mental barriers and show you something new that you might not have thought of on your own, apart from its influence.  During worship like that, I think GOD has an easier time reaching me, helping me to learn or understand what HE is up to.  And it was while we were worshipping that I thought about HIS cup.

It was the week before Easter, Palm Sunday, and we sang a beautiful song by Kari Jobe, The More I Seek You.  The chorus goes like this:

"I want to sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand,

Lay back against You and breathe, feel Your heart beat

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand

I melt in Your peace, it's overwhelming"

I was melting into HIM, just like we were singing.  It was such a sweet, tender, intimate moment between my Savior and me.  And as I sang the chorus again, my thoughts went to HIS cup. 

The cup of the Last Supper.  The cup HE asked James and John, the Sons of Thunder, if they were able to drink from it.  The cup Jesus begged GOD to take from HIM if there were any other way.  The cup of sacrifice.

My husband has an amazing sermon he shares about sacrifice and worship.  They are inextricable, you see.  There is no genuine worship unless it costs you something.  Sometimes it's time.  Sometimes, you may have to give up perspectives or previous beliefs.  Sometimes you have to give up an offense (forgiveness).  Abraham, in the very first act of worship, was willing to sacrifice his own son.  So worship, true worship, costs something.

 

As I pondered this, still hearing this beautiful song in my ears, I asked myself if I was really willing to drink from HIS cup.  I mean, HE didn't even want it!  I needed to really be sure I was willing to drink from a cup that would cost me so much.  And I asked myself, if I had to choose between the cup and having Jesus in my life, or not having to drink from the cup, but not knowing Jesus as my Savior, I would have to choose Jesus every time, no matter what. 

So knowing that, the depth of commitment and dedication, why am I so lazy, so lackadaisical, taking so much of this relationship for granted?  No More!  It is time to drink the cup of sacrifice, to lay down my desire to be in charge of my life, and to truly worship HIM with the sacrifice of my self.  There really is no alternative.

 





Draw Me Near

    My husband has this really great sermon that he preaches occasionally about worship and sacrifice.  He uses the story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22 in which Abraham is told to sacrifice his son, and yet he says to his servants that he is going to worship.   True worship will cost you something, he says.

    Me, well, I tried to look for a deeper connection between the two concepts and looked into the Greek words.  Worship is proskuneo and sacrifice is prosphero.  They have the same root word, which I thought just went to support his sermon.  (Please be warned I know NOTHING about Greek and this is just the barest of scrapings into a complex language). 

    So last night, before he was to preach it again, I wondered out loud if proselytize had the same root word too.  I mean, it sounded like it might.  So I looked, and yes, it is the same!  Proselytos is the Greek origin of the word and has the same root as the words for worship and sacrifice. These three concepts are all entwined with each other in a very relevant way...worship and sacrifice and sharing your faith are basic building blocks that often rely on each other.  What amazes me even more is what the root word means and why these three words bring me again to my knees in awe of GOD. 

    The root word 'pros' means simply 'near'.  You draw near to GOD when you give up something for Him or give something to Him.  You draw near to GOD when you give Him honor and glorify Him in your words, songs, or deeds.  And you draw near to Him by telling your story and bringing others to Him.  You can't worship without Him.  Sacrifice is meaningless without Him.  And what is there for anyone without Him being the center of our lives and focus?

    So GOD, draw me near to You.  Everything is wrapped up in who You are.  Help me to stay near to You in challenges and victories, celebration and defeat.  You are the I AM.  There is nothing else.

Surrounded

    With my father-in-law's transformation in Jesus, I just wanted to share a few pictures from church on Sunday.  (It was the first time my husband has ever gone to church with hisdad and it just happened to be my husband's birthday!)

    When my in-laws went up front to receive prayer during worship, they were literally surrounded by about half the people at church that day.

   When the pastor and worship leader saw what was happening, they extended the music portion of our worship service to allow GOD and HIS people to continue with what HE was doing.  They worshipped together for several songs and inspired more people to join in.

    To watch my father-in-law and his wife be surrounded by people who love them was such an inspiration to me.   What kind of person draws people to him like that?  What power but love could draw a church to a couple that just a year ago had nothing to do with GOD?  I am in awe of what GOD is doing and excited to see even more!

Transformation Power

   Confession time...I was a goody-two shoes.   I never had any desire to smoke or drink or party.  I always did my best in school and the first time I ever skipped a class was my senior year when I cut band because I wasn't allowed to practice "Pomp and Circumstance" with the band (since I would be walking in my cap and gown). 
   But given all that, I still had the overwhelming experience of becoming a new creation in Jesus.  I was fresh.  I was clean.  I was pure.  I was loved.

    The transformation power of a new life in Jesus wasn't lost on me, but maybe it was a little under-understood.  That changed this week when I walked into my father-in-laws arms.

    This was a man I knew I would never be able to please.  He was a hard man with distinct opinions and his way was the right way, no matter what.  If things didn't go his way, he would kick you out of his life.  My husband, his oldest son, had been disowned more times than he could count, and just in our 17 years of marriage, I can count three times in which we went several years without speaking to him.  This most recent time has lasted four years.  We were told he didn't exist to us and we should leave him alone...don't call, don't visit, don't bother.
    So imagine my surprise when he calls out of the blue and asks us what happened to cause this lost relationship!  My husband explained it all, and his dad asked for forgiveness.  Forgiveness!  Without making any excuses, he simply admitted he'd done wrong and could we please start over.  My husband agreed, with caution and watchfulness.  They continued to speak at least weekly over the phone, and we made plans to visit this month.  When we got here, this man who was always too strong to be effected by emotion was crying his eyes out at how beautiful the kids are, how much it means that we came, how good it is to see us.  He asked my oldest daughter (who is just as opinionated as he is) to please forgive him.  He humbled himself so much that he asked for forgiveness from a child! 

    Now I was pretty floored by what I was seeing, but because of past history, I maintained a watchfulness of my own.  After all, I had given up on this man.  I had written off any hope of ever having a relationship with him.  But as I listened, I noticed how different he was.  Where he once spouted his opinions as gospel, he now shared what he was learning from the Gospel.  When he would once complain about how his church was doing things wrong, he was now telling everyone who would listen what his church was doing right.  When he used to push people away, he was now calling them close to pray over his weakness.  When anger used to rule his emotional scale I was now seeing love, empathy, and compassion.  This man, who at one time lost every friend he ever had, was now surrounded and embraced by men on a scale I never dreamed was possible.  And in the quiet moments, he embraces his family.  There are hugs almost more than there are words. 

   It was there in his arms, where I never dreamed I would ever be welcomed, that I realized the depth and power that Jesus has when it comes to changing a human heart.  There is no other explanation than the hand of GOD was moving in this man.

GOD have Your way!

Bean On My Tooth

   The other day I had some really great chili dogs.  Flavorful chili, melty cheese, onions that weren't too strong or too weak...just a really great chili dog.  It wasn't until about two hours later that there was a problem...no, not that! 

   I looked in a mirror and saw my tooth was completely browned out by the skin of a bean!  I groaned in horror and frantically tried to think of how many people I smiled at who would have seen my social gaffe.  Then, as my list grew longer and longer, I wondered why these people, whom I love and know well...why wouldn't they tell me I had an embarrassing problem??? 

 

   I had an epiphany...

 

   My tooth issue was similar to what we face with sin in our lives.  Sometimes we may not even know it's there.  But our loved ones may see it.  And then, for some reason, the people we love the most are too embarrassed to point out what we are doing wrong.  They let it go, hoping it will resolve on its own in a positive way.

   We all end up like the people in the story who were cheering for a naked emperor who was wearing 'new clothes'...where is that innocent voice declaring the truth of the situation?  Where are the courageous who know what is right and have no fear of recrimination?  Where are those who love enough to know that standing for what is right is worth more than watching what is wrong never fully resolve on its own? 

   Why couldn't my family tell me there was a huge thing stuck to my tooth???

   Maybe it was just about them wanting to giggle...

Job's Wife

Oh, what a bad rap the wife of Job has gotten! Imagine if you were judged solely on one sentence uttered at the worst moment of your life.  Yeah, me too...I don't want to even think about that.  I  admit, I was totally harsh in my thinking of her too...when she told her husband to curse GOD and die, I still cringe at the cruelty of it. But I have been thinking about her a lot, attempting to understand, not judge, and trying on her shoes a bit.  I have gained a few insights...

1.   She was not one of the blessings GOD allowed to be taken from Job.  Whether it was because she wasn't a blessing to Job or because GOD had a plan for her too (perhaps involved in restoring children to Job), she was there by his side when the worst came in force.  To me, she was just another attack on Job, telling him to basically give up and die already.  There was no support in that comment.  No compassion.  And yet, I had to remember...

2.   She lost everything Job did.  She lost her wealth.  She lost her children.  She lost servants she had probably known for years.  She was drowning in her own grief before Job got sick. She probably had very little emotional health left to give by the time his sores appeared.  And then to heap sorrow on top of sorrow...

3.   In her grief she also played nurse to a very sick husband.  She was there when Job was struck with sores.  She probably had to help scrape the boils he couldn't reach, listening to his cries of pain while she was doing it.  Her heart probably heard her children screaming with every cry or moan from her husband.  I imagine she reached a breaking point, grieved even unto death, where dying became a viable option of relief from current pain...

4.   She might have believed the rumors...Job's own friends came to the conclusion that he deserved what he got because there was some sort of sin in his life.  Maybe in seeking understanding in the midst of her tragedy, she fell in line with those thoughts.  They could have led her to blame him for her losses, to wanting his death as justice for the lives his 'sin' caused. 

5.   She wasn't part of the conversation.  She didn't hear the questions.  She didn't hear the protests of innocence.  And she didn't hear GOD's response (at least, we don't see her having any part of it.)  Without being in the discussion, she didn't get any GOD answers and all of her conclusions were hers alone.  Not the best situation when your mind is so swayed by grief.  And yet...

6.   She was part of the redemption.  The end of the story sees complete restoration for Job and his wife.  And that includes more children.  Now it doesn't make any sense to say that one child can replace another...it isn't that simple.  But where Job's wife is concerned, she had part in bringing those children into the world.  She had a role to fulfill in the completion of GOD's work.  She got to bring life to a place where there had been so much death.  And I like to think coming full circle like that, laboring in delivery of heart and womb, she came to a place of trust.

So this woman who is never named, who is often quickly judged, has a story.  These are just a few small points to ponder, but I still wonder.  What do you think about Mrs. Job, her story, and her motivations?  She was human, after all, and I am always astounded by the depth of the human soul.  Her story may bear a closer look after all.

Remembering The Light

You know, sometimes during worship you start singing one of those really old songs (not quite a hymn, but from maybe the eighties) and the thought goes through your mind, "Wow, this is old! I can't imagine GOD being able to speak through this one anymore...how lame."  No?  Just me?  Okay...

Well that was me this morning during one of our songs.  Sing it with me...

"Thy Word is a Lamp unto my feet
and a light unto my path..."

I mean, King James English?  Really?  How could that truly resonate with anything GOD would be trying to do now?  (I know, I am a bit of a worship snob)

The thing is...it did.  It really touched my heart.

Because while singing those words, GOD spoke.  "MY Word, Katy.  Have you forgotten?  Why do you think you are stumbling around with your purpose?  Why do you act so afraid of what is unknown to you?  MY Word is your light, and just because you know it doesn't mean you are still using it.  The memory of what light is isn't enough to light the path ahead. You need light every day for every part of the journey."

And during that moment, properly chastised by my loving Father, I felt tears make their way down my cheeks...(and maybe a few stares from other worship snobs wondering what they were missing).

HIS Word.  HIS Light.  My path.  HE chooses not only to walk it with me, but to show me what I need to see at any given step.  I know why HE doesn't show me the whole journey...HE knows I would quit before I started, overwhelmed by the immensity of what I could never fathom I would do.  HE shows me bits at a time, and I struggle through my steps until the next part is shown.  This way my trust on HIM grows.  The times of greatest struggle were times I was stumbling in the dark, Wordless...

But I know the Light (in this case, the Word of GOD).  I have read it, memorized parts, meditated on it, quote it, and cherish it.  I may go a few weeks without without actually delving in to my Word, but I listen to people teach about it.  I even teach from it myself.  Why the worry then?  I know the Word.

Let's, for just a moment, pretend the Word is a flashlight we have on a camping trip.  We have seen the light.  We know what it does and how to use it.  We teach others about it and show them how to use it.  We know how important it is and how it can save us from trouble.  But in the middle of the night when you have to walk alone, that knowledge isn't going to help much.  Remembering what the light looked like, recalling how it worked, even reciting portions of the manual aren't the same as actually shining the light on your path.

GOD, help me to keep Your Word on my path, lighting the way.  Help me to hunger for it, to crave it, to make time for it.  Remind me that it is a living Word, filled with Your breath, fresh and alive every day.

Your Word is a lamp for my feet to follow, a light to the path I walk.  Thank You for the reminder in a song You inspired by Your Light.

(For a really great short devotional about Lighting Your World, check out Thistlebend Ministries at www.thistlebendministries.org or download the YouVersion Bible app and search their Bible plans for Lighting Your World.)

Wow...

I thought about writing a poem pondering the cost of what Jesus went through on the cross. I only had the barest of inklings before I nearly heard GOD say "No. Don't even try. There are no words."

Guess that's that.
(Thank You Jesus)

The Way We Treat Our Men

Watching an episode of the latest sitcom I was really disturbed at the way the man of the show was depicted. He was the butt of 90% of the jokes and so disrespected by his wife and kids. Then during the commercial break, I saw the same thing portrayed...supermom had to clean up what incompetent dad messed up. Even on Facebook we see the posts...when did this happen?

I used to watch shows like Leave It To Beaver, in which dad was respected and seen as wise. Even the Brady Bunch...you never saw anyone badmouth the ex-husband. There was more respect then, and that was right in the middle of the women's lib movement.

When did we decide that to be free of men we had to belittle them? When did we decide our men should be put down on a regular basis? We are no more than bullies if we are putting them down in order to lift ourselves up.

Do you ever wonder if men leave children behind because we made them think we could do better without them? I think we have proven that as a society, we can't. Fathers play a major role in the welfare, development, and behavior of our children.  Fathers give up so much to love, support, and nurture and because we don't acknowledge their sacrifices, they have not only become neglected, but something to jest.

Our culture needs another shift - a shift towards respecting our husbands, our men, and letting them know we need them.  Yes, it may mean coming under leadership when we yearn for freedom and independence, but when two work together to raise a family, they are strong her and better than they would be if alone.

Submission

Submission is such a tough word for women to hear. It really has gotten a bad rap and I think part of that is because its meaning has come so far from what it is supposed to describe. And it isn't just younger women who struggle with this concept either. Women just starting out in marriage and women in their 60's and 70's struggle to keep their hearts submitted to their husbands. Each stage in life brings out a new facet of submission. 

With such a universal struggle in such a women's lib culture, where can we go to get some really GOD-ly examples to apply to real life? 

 Enter a surprised Candace Cameron Bure and an interview she gave about her new book...

 

Candace Cameron Bure describes the idea of submission in a way that had me nodding.

I think she did a great job dispelling some of the myths that are out there concerning Christian thoughts about the way wives submit to their husbands. She even touched on a point that made me examine the relationship between husbands and wives a little deeper...she mentioned what her husband had to be willing to sacrifice - his life!  

In Ephesians 5 we see the charge Paul gives to husbands and wives...there are three verses alone describing how deeply wives should submit to their husbands. The chapter finishes describing in the next nine verses how husbands should be willing to lay their lives down for their wives as Christ did for the church. There is more responsibility on their heads for the state of the marriage relationship than there is for women. That's because they are leaders for the entire family. We as women lay down our pride and the need to be right. Our men lay down their lives.

I think part of the problem is the way Submissive translates so easily into Dominated. NOT THE SAME THING!!! It takes such a strength of character to lay down your right to your opinion in order to show respect to your husband and maintain peace in the home. No one who is dominated has the strength to voluntarily do that. They work out of fear and that's different. 

 I love being submitted to my husband. I strongly encourage women everywhere to try it! Husbands respond so positively to a wife who lets him lead. They feel respected. That translates into loved for them. If you have a problem in your marriage, try submitting instead of nagging...the results will amaze you. And that's because GOD designed it to be that way.

Friend of GOD

Jesus called me HIS friend!!!!  So why does that scare me?

In John 15:15 HE calls me friend.  I read the verse again just yesterday.  The part that really stuck with me was this..."No longer do I call you servants...but I have called you friends".

So what is the difference between a servant and a friend?  I am comfortable with calling myself a servant of GOD.  I know what that means and I know what that looks like.  HE asks me to do something and I do it.  I owe HIM so much, even my life, that I consider it an honor to live to serve HIM!

But HE calls me friend...and I am struggling with that shift in our relationship.  It means so much to HIM that I do things for HIM because I want to.  HE would rather I obey because I love HIM rather than because I owe HIM.  HE calls me friend to let me know that HE doesn't see me as a robot to be mindlessly obedient, but as a human with a heart and mind, full of opinions HE designed for me to have, and I don't always have to agree.  HE wants to let me know that I only have to ask HIM and I can be privy to the secrets of eternity, the smell of the universe, and the heart of the Father.  Servants aren't in on the Master's plans...but friends are...

Friendships are also harder to maintain than jobs.  It takes committment to each other, time spent with each other, hearts covering each other.  Jesus calls me friend because HE wants to spend time with me, not just dismiss me when the job is done.  I have heard that the best servants are the ones you never have to see; they just do their job and get out of the way, but HE wants to share HIS heart with me, and hear mine in return.  That takes time being spent together, listening to each other.  Friendship goes much deeper that simple servanthood.

Mistakes also mean more when they happen in a friendship than when they are done by a servant.  I mess up as a servant, there will be discipline and no hard feelings. Make a mistake in your friendships, well,  that's a whole lot more personal.  There will be broken hearts and lingering hurts.  Yes, friends forgive, but I don't want to be the one hurting HIM in the first place.  I've done that enough already! 

So it takes a risk to be a friend.  And when that friend is as big as Jesus, that's a lot of risk!

I guess I figured out why I am incredibly humbled and more than a little intimidated by being called HIS friend.  Being a friend of Jesus is going to be a lot harder than being HIS servant, but I want it!  I want that kind of relationship with HIM!  

Not Allowed To Give Up

At a Bible study the other day, conversation shifted (as it sometimes will when a bunch of ladies get together over a table with coffee) to the subject of families.

  As all families go, even those who follow GOD, we all know people who struggle in life and who have stirred the drama pot.  Alcohol, drugs, abuse, greed, selfishness, manipulations...the list could go on for a while.  The question arose 'When do we just give up on them?'  My quick answer was 'We don't.  We aren't allowed to.'

I went on to explain a little.  Of course, GOD gives us a choice to obey HIM or not.  When HE says pray, we can say no.  When HE says forgive, we can say not yet.  After all, we are all works in progress and I know I don't give HIM the perfect response every time.  But I know HE never gave up on me.  Therefore I don't feel I have the right to give up on anyone else either.

So we read 1 Timothy 1.  The very last verse talks about turning two men over to satan so they may learn a lesson.  The ladies said, 'So we have an example of letting them go.'  I couldn't deny it. 

I see the benefit of letting go.  It can be a battle to keep hurtful loved ones close.  It can be expensive in many ways, not just to the pocketbooks, but to the emotions, to rest, to peace.  Letting them go down the path of their choice puts them in a place where they have to face the consequences of their own decisions on their own.  Sometimes walking through the fire can do more to fix a person than being rescued from the flames.  I get that.

But that isn't the same as giving up on them.  Here's an example from my own life:

My father-in-law has been in and out of our lives for my whole marriage (nearly 17 years).  For the last four, he was out because he asked to be.  It was a hurtful parting, he wasn't very nice about it, and I let go.  I took my husband's lead and said fine, we will live without him, we don't need the drama anyway.  The difference came two weeks ago when he called asking for forgiveness.  I had given up and didn't trust that he was genuinely changed by GOD.  My husband never gave up and has taken the open door to reconciliation.

By never giving up, we remain hopeful to the move of GOD's hand and open to accept it when it comes.  Giving up is a complete writing off of the power of GOD to change people and circumstances.

I found my answer in 1 Timothy 2.  The first verse, the one that comes right after it talks about giving them over to satan, says to pray for all men.  We let go so they can learn and we can have peace, but we can keep praying for GOD to move.

So my advice:  never give up.  Let go if necessary, but never give up.

Beth Moore Giveaway!

From now until January 14th (I think) Beth Moore is giving away 14 of her titles! What a great way to feed your soul on 2014! You can find these ebooks at Amazon.com or Christianbook.com and download to your kindle or other e-reader or tablet (with the right apps).

Hurry! Don't miss this!

Romans 12:2

I wanted to just jot down an insight I was kicked in the head with recently about this verse. Seriously, it was one of those 'DUH!' moments when I had to ask myself why I never saw that before. It's such a well-known and much-loved verse (though usually only quoted halfway).

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." - Romans 12:2

Our worldly mind cannot comprehend the will of GOD. We have to be renewed (constantly) to ever truly know what is good and pleasing to HIM. Without letting HIM renew our minds, we cannot truthfully trust ourselves to make the GODly decision. Our minds without HIM will never be able to do it.

Just a thought...

Benefits of a Small Church

We moved to a church in a much smaller town about a month ago.  There are no kids there and no band and yet, they have so much to offer! 

I hadn't realized how much I was hiding in the crowd.  Able to mask myself from going deeper with the Lord by serving (nursery, youth, prayer teams), I loved GOD but let my relationship go on cruise control. I wasn't fake, but I wasn't growing or challenging myself either.

So when worship is canned (from a recorded song played through the computer) you have to dig deep to get something out of it.  Either dig deep or get nothing. No musician is there to take you a little way into the throne room. It's you and GOD, all or nothing...no more room for just coasting.

The pastor looks you in the eye personally in a small church. In a crowd he may never see you, but with fewer people to hide among, he is talking just to you. No avoidance.

I would rather be here than anywhere else right now.

Surrender and Discipline

Today at church was one of those days when GOD really got my attention...no kidding.  I hadn't even truly realized just how far apart from HIM I had gotten.  I mean, how far from GOD can you go when you are in church every Sunday and your husband is the youth pastor?  But I had forgotten how big, how wonderful, how mighty, how awesome...how magnanimous our GOD is!  Opening song: Awesome GOD.

"The judgment and wrath HE poured out on Sodom
The mercy and grace HE gave us at the cross
I hope we have not too quickly forgotten
that our GOD is an awesome GOD"

So that got my toes curling with the power of GOD speaking directly to my soul like a giant "HELLO"!  And that was just the beginning.  Next song: From The Inside Out

"A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame"

That was my answer.  And I went on to sing:

"Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise"

The call to go deeper...HIS deep calling to my deep asking for me to give my all.  So I surrendered.

"In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out"

No more shallow relationship with HIM.  No more hiding behind all the good things I have been doing to serve HIM.  HE wants my heart!  HE wants to be more to me than anything else, and all I have to do is simply let (allow, concede, enable, endorse, give, permit) it to happen.  I don't have to take any action at all...I surrender.

Surrender.

The sermon did not deal with surrendering.  That part had already happened during worship.  The pastor spoke on what comes after surrender happens.  Good intentions aren't enough.  Focus.  Plan.  Be Intent.  Discipline yourself.  Live as if GOD has given you a direct order (because HE has!) 

I stayed away from any resolutions this year, but GOD has directed me anyway.  Fresh starts and new beginnings...I guess moving to a new city wasn't enough.  HE is always calling deeper, not to demand more from you, but to have more of you.

We are okay, GOD and me.  And today is the new start to a very beautiful new level of relationship.