Walking Broken

 

    Almost two weeks ago, I injured my ankle.  Oh, it was a loud POP!  Oh, it hurt so much!  But oh, I decided to walk it off.  Yeah, I limped, and tried to hide it.  Even though it popped and hurt, I thought it wasn't that big of a deal and didn't want to let anyone know.  But the pain didn't go away.  It couldn't just be 'walked off'.  Then it started swelling on top of the pain. 

 

 

 

 

     I finally had to mention it to my family and see a doctor.  Turns out, I had actually broken a chip off of the bone.

 

 

 

    I had been walking around for two weeks on a broken ankle.  Luckily, because it was minor, I hadn't caused any additional damage.  Not everyone can say that.

   One of the young men in our church (he had actually been in our youth group when he was a teenager) recently passed away.  He was only 29 and left behind a wife, two young girls, and another on the way. He had been fighting lung cancer and it was responding well to treatments, when another tumor of a different kind of cancer was found in his other lung.  He delayed treatment because his job for the coming week was out of town.  He began struggling to breathe, finally went to the hospital, and because of fluid built up around his heart, he contracted an infection and died.

    Why do we cover our vulnerabilities?  Why do we insist on walking around wounded?  Why do we hide when we need help he most?

    I have come to the conclusion that the answer, for me, is that I am a control freak.  I have to control how people see me.  I must be seen as strong.  I must be perceived as capable.  I must be available to be compassionate to others, not be in need of compassion myself. 

How messed up is that?

    GOD promises that HE is strong and powerful in the midst of our weaknesses.  In 2 Corinthians 12:9 HE says through Paul "My Grace is sufficient for you and my strength is made perfect in weakness."  Paul's conclusion is to then boast about his weaknesses and struggles so that GOD would be glorified.  While that may not be my response to struggles right now, it will be.  I've seen the power that can come from that kind of open honesty.

    At the celebration of life service for the young man I mentioned, his mom stepped up to the mic at the end of a sharing period and what she said blew my mind.  I wish it had been recorded...it would have gone viral in no time.  She thanked everyone for sharing such warm memories of her son.  Then she proceeded to share about his wicked heart.  She said of course he had a wicked heart. We all do.  And he struggled all his life with his anger, never feeling accepted, and feelings of unworthiness (which led him to make poor decisions).  He had been married twice and was abusive, she went on to share.  And he gave his life to Jesus about two weeks before he died.  She said that in the hospital after the doctor declared him to be dead, she knew that he was in heaven having a talk with Jesus, and having come face to face with that kind of love and complete acceptance, something he never felt in this life, he simply refused to return to earth.

    Without that complete honesty, who could possibly have understood the amazing depth of the love of GOD?  Without that openness and vulnerability, who would have missed the opportunity to find that love and salvation for themselves, found acceptance for themselves?  Thank GOD for the faith and perspective of that mother who loved GOD and her son enough to be honest, and to have such an eternal perspective.  She cared more for the glory of GOD and salvation for people than she cared about protecting the final reputation of her son.  I am humbled by the lesson and love with that woman.  SO ... it's time to be vulnerable, and in that place find GOD's strength.