Grow My Faith LORD - and Don't Stop!

Okay, so, that bug I was battling? Well, it turns out that was just the practice round for something even larger!
GOD is good how HE prepares us before launching us. Last night my husband was inspired to deliver a lesson on the man who was healed by the gate called Beautiful (Acts 3). Then his plan was to ask for the faith to let healing happen here in our church when we pray. GOD's plan was the reverse! We had one young lady with a swollen nose ask for some ibuprofen because she was hurting at the start of our youth service! So we prayed. The swollen lump in her nose disappeared and she said even the pain was going away - she was even able to touch it without cringing!
I was so excited about that, let me tell you! But then halfway through his sermon, another of our girls got up to leave. She told me that she was taking a friend to the ER because her eye was so swollen. We rallied again and practiced what he was still preaching and prayed for her over the phone. We told her to call back in half an hour with a status report. When she called back, it was to say that the swelling had gone down a LOT! I will have to check with her, but I don't think she ended up going to the ER after all.
So when we prayed for one of our girls who had skinned her knees (scabby and swollen), I was expecting the skin to knit together right under my hands! They were still scabbed when we finished praying, but even she said her knees felt better and she was able to move them easier.
I am so humbled that GOD would choose to honor us with HIS glory and HIS touch. These may be small things, but that is how faith grows - and I trust larger is coming. All we have to do is ask, and the very Maker of the universe will hear and answer. What an awesome GOD we serve!!!

Battling the Bug

I have been battling the bug that makes a speedy appearance and then a quick getaway. My daughter first acknowledged (nice way of putting it, right?) this virus on a Monday night, first on one side of her bed and then on the other. Ugh. So each of the kids got to sleep next to a big bowl for the rest of the night. The next day, my other daughter claimed she was fine and didn't need a bucket anymore. Since I have had a lot of experience with this dreadful bug, I insisted she keep it with her at all times. Stubborn girl went upstairs without it and on the way down experienced such a technicolor yawn that it hit the wall three feet away. Double ugh. Time to pray.

So I call all my friends and ask them to pray, because I hate this kind of bug. I want it gone and I will fight. I claim all the promises of GOD for my family, knowing that GOD is faithful, knowing that HE is way bigger than this microscopic virus. But at some point, I am struck with the realization that my own faith is not bigger than microscopic vermin, certainly not a mustard seed. The evidence of my lack was the fear I had that made me give everyone buckets.

How can fear exist side by side with faith? How can I pray for complete healing and still have buckets for when the sickness comes? What am I really preparing for? So I made the stand. It took everything in me, but I put the buckets away (it took three days to get the courage, the faith). On Friday night, my son upchucked - in the throne of disposal where he was supposed to. But I didn't feel defeated, and I didn't feel like my faith had failed. Can't explain that feeling, since all evidence pointed to the contrary, but I knew GOD was with me and HE and I, we were good.

The following Tuesday our roomate got sick. Guess the prayers didn't cover him, but since no one else was sick I felt victorious enough to share about my battle over this sickness and the strengthening my faith received. After all, it had been more than a week and out of the eight people I see every day only four had been ill. I shared this glorious news with my friend Thursday. The very next day my stomach was doing rock and roll with a heavy bass beat on an ocean liner in a storm! Did my faith falter? Yes. Did I grab a bowl? Yes, two actually (upstairs and down - for some reason I couldn't think to keep it with me on the stairs). Did I pray and worship GOD anyway? Yep. I knew that no matter what I would love HIM, praise HIM, and not blame HIM. Did I throw up? NOPE! GOD graciously gave me that victory.

So to sum up: I prayed for healing for my family, realized my faith was too small, so I prayed for more faith, got sick anyway, but never lost my bagel. I would call that a victory overall. And maybe someday soon my faith will be as a mustard seed, growing and reaching the amazing depths that might even move the mountains one day.

I am...

At our women's retreats we have a nice little tradition called camp mail. We have little note papers that are open for anyone to write encouraging words to anyone else and we put them in the mailbox to be handed out at every meal break. Well, it's a nice little treasure to take home after such a GOD weekend, but going through little note papers isn't really practical. A few friends of mine summarized their notes into what they call "I am" statements. This is mine.

I am...
...a wonderful mom
...a beautiful spirit
...shining with Jesus in every smile
...a sister and more
...a pray-er
...not afraid
...a blessing and a friend
...open to the work of GOD (and showing it to others)
...amazing
...being led and leading
...tender
...encouraging others
...full of love
...a servant
...a beautiful woman of GOD
...a listener
...willing to GOD
...used by GOD to shout joy and hope in my actions and my smile
...full of faith
...obedient to GOD
...connecting spiritually to others

WOW! How powerful to see those little notes laid out like this. And to know that this is how others (the women in our church) see me makes it amazing and humbling all at the same time.

Undignified Worship

Worship. We overuse that word to describe our church services. Kinda like the word 'love', worship is a word that has come a far distance from the true meaning.

I was thinking about this when reading about how the soldiers mocked Jesus right before the crucifixtion. They dressed him in purple robes (signifying royalty), crowned Him with thorns, brought Him into the governors mansion, and even bowed before Him. But none of it was to worship Him. Obviously, since that would have been the opposite of their true intent.

But what is our true intent? Sometimes I think the worship we give to GOD means no more to Him than the lectures our children tune-out. There are even times when our worship may even resemble the mockery given to Jesus by the soldiers. Extreme? Think about it this way.

We clothe GOD in glory and call Him holy (the purple robes), but then we refuse to confess our sin, so it gets heaped on His head (crown of thorns). We make the right gestures (bowing down), but refuse to forgive hurts others have caused (spitting on Him). We even make demands from Him, asking Him to do what we want, and give us what we think we deserve (which is no better than hitting Him and demanding He tell us who did it.) We put Him in a place of worship (the governer's mansion), but it's just an empty shell of a place, with no life and no power. He becomes an impotent GOD instead of omnipotent.

So what does real worship look like then? What does it mean to worship in spirit and in truth? Umm, well, I don't have a clear picture of that. I'm still learning myself. But King David knew. He worshipped GOD so completely that he lost all dignity and said he would be willing to lose even more! He didn't care about the position, the robes, the power, or his reputation more than he loved to dance before GOD and celebrate HIS presence. So perhaps true worship involves losing oneself in the presence and celebration of GOD; forgetting all that surrounds and troubles to focus on the Savior - less me, more LORD. Seems like a good start to me!

Time to Position

I've been busy this past week, and I'm talkin' busy from eye opening in the morning to tripping into bed 'cause my eyes are already closed at night. We've been moving heavy furniture and boxes and all that, so I am tired in ways I am not very often tired. Even a full workout - cardio, muscle strengthening, flexibility - is not as bone-tiring as what I've been up against.

I think King David got tired too. 2 Samuel says that it was the spring, the time when kings usually went out to make war. But King David had stayed home. I think he was tired of fighting, tired of marching, tired of the war tents and all the planning of battle. He just wanted a little break. Put his feet up a little longer than usual this year. Wait just a touch longer and see how well his men could do on their own - that's leadership building, isn't it?

But while he was resting (lazing) he spied Bathsheba and that was the end of the David we knew and loved.

Was he still a man of GOD? Yes. Was he still anointed? Yes. But he lost a lot of respect, especially from the man in charge of his army, Joab. He made comments that show his feelings toward King David (like you'd better come now before I defeat this army without you and name the town after myself). He was also not happy with the way King David manipulated the battle to kill Uriah (if he gets mad about the men we lost, tell him Uriah was killed too.)

Is taking a break bad then? No way! GOD invented rest and rested HIMself. HE made rest one of the top ten laws. But there is a time and a season for everything. The season for King David was to be a season of battle, a time for war, and he was supposed to be in place on the battlefield. But he wasn't in position at the right time, and he ended up in the midst of a scandal instead.

(I'm not slammin' King David - he is such an encouragement to me because he made these mistakes and still was described as a man after GOD's own heart. Good things even came from his marriage to Bathsheba, including the future king. Just thought I should add that little disclaimer - no judgment here.)

We need to learn to recognize the seasons - a time to work and a time to rest. A time for war and a time for peace. We need the wisdom to be in the right place at the right time so we're never in the wrong place at the wrong time (like David when he saw Bathsheba).

So even though I have taken a little break from moving to write this blog (and take a deep breath) I know there is more yet to be done. I will try to linger over my coffee (I have to be honest people!), but I will deliberately choose to position myself so that things can be put in place, boxes can be emptied, and my house can be a sanctuary instead of an example of chaos. (GOD help me find the right position! Grant me the wisdom!)

Guess the television will be the LAST thing I put in place.

A Scary Dream That Taught Some Truth

Yeah, I like to write. I would say I've got a knack for it. My husband calls it a gift. My pastor calls me talented. But whatever anyone calls it, it is something I enjoy with all my heart.

When I became a wife, I learned quickly that my life was not my own anymore and that it was very rude to leave the nightstand light on when the hubby needs his sleep. So I stopped writing at night from bed. Not a huge loss, the desk works better anyway, and there are other fun things to do at night when you're married (wink, wink).

Then we had children - three in 30 months. I got busy with diapers, feedings, laundry, naptimes, etc and again lost a few other opportunities to write. It wasn't a loss I felt at the time, I was too busy!

About four years ago I became aware of a county poetry contest sponsored by the local library. I decided to enter (since poems are my favorite!) I didn't win, but it felt good to have written something. I didn't write anything else until the contest came around again - a full year later. Again, I didn't place, and this time I was a little sad, because I missed writing and also (if I am honest) because I was beginning to doubt that I had any talent at all.

It was shortly after this when I had the dream.

I was surrounded by people all carrying notebooks, pens, pencils, journals, even laptops - anything you could write with or on. They were creating the most beautiful lyrics, verses, the most wonderful prose. I was in awe and wanted to add my part, but I had nothing to write with. I borrowed something, but no words would come. I started to panic and when I woke I knew what had happened in my dream - GOD had taken my talent away and given it to those other people.

I cried and repented. I know HIS word says that if we don't use our talents, HE will take them away and give them to someone who will use them. Even if the talent is small to start with (like mine). I decided I had to MAKE time to write again. The kids were older at that point, so it was a little easier and I made the goal to write one poem per month. After a year, I realized I had done it - I had reached my goal! And when I entered the poetry contest again, this time I took first place!

Use your talents. Whether it's car alignment or scrapbooking or dog training, GOD has a purpose for what you can do. You'll be better off using it now than not having your talent at all. And my goal for this year is two poems per month.

What Hell Might Be Like

I was going through my notebook and found this entry. I thought it was really cool, so I am posting it here. Hope it makes you think.

"Hell is defined as the complete separation from GOD. Not a very scary thought, considering most people are trying to live without HIM already. But I think we should consider this:

GOD gives us a future and a hope.
Hell, then, is an eternity of hopelessness and spiritual death.
GOD has plans and a purpose for us.
Hell would then be an eternal existence for no reason and with no goals.
Not scary enough?

Imagine being created with the ability to touch, but void of anything to reach for: no kittens, no hugs.
Or made with the ability to hear, but only silence reaches your ears for eternity.
The same goes for sight, smell, and taste. Nothing around but black emptiness, though you maintain all your faculties.

Hell is having gifts and talents and being unable to use, or even communicate, them.

It's not so much about the external torture, but the internal torture that will come from complete and total isolation. Everything GOD has given us to bless us will be cut off from HIM and will turn on us to provide the torture of the true hell - separation from GOD."

Kinda cool food for thought, huh?

I Don't Have It All

Something clicked yesterday. I was teaching our 6th grade kids class and asked who had rough days (the point being that they could talk to GOD on those rough days). The things they shared blew my mind away!!! I never thought about the struggles and confusion they face when adults fight, when bullies attack, when friends lie to them, or when they have to move (like my kids did). I felt woefully ill-prepared to teach them, that's for sure!
I know how to help teenagers (for the most part). I know how to relate to adults too. But what do I say to a 10 year old when they were attacked by a bully on the playground and got in trouble for pushing the bully away? "Well, just pray" didn't seem good enough.
At our church we are blessed with an amazing woman who knows these answers. She is our children's pastor and teaches the abstract of GOD in an understandable way to these kids. Even as a parent of three in this age group, I am not able to do what she does. When my family moved two states away and the kids left their friends behind, I mostly consoled them with writing letters and the promise of occasional calls. You know, that really wasn't good enough. Their hearts were breaking. But they were able to turn to Pastor Lisa and find the peace they needed.

I may be their parent, but I don't have everything they will need.

That was hard to admit. I'm stubborn, I guess. But I'm also thankful for Pastor Lisa. It's great to know that when I lack, I am surrounded by others who can lift and support. You can fix on a certain way of doing things that seems right and looks right, but isn't completely right. But when someone comes alongside you who has it right where you don't, it's like a fresh breeze, revitalizing and fulfilling. All of a sudden you are changed, and for the better.
So next week in Kingdom Kids (children's church for y'all) I will be better prepared after having spent some time rubbing shoulders with Pastor Lisa.

Position Details

GOD loves the details. How do I know? Because the Bible is full of them!

One detail I have read and missed a lot (okay, every time until today) happened just shortly after David defeated Goliath. You can look this up for yourselves in 1 Samuel 18. He was promoted in the army and put in charge of a lot of men. He was praised by the people. But in the midst of all this glory and honor and positioning, we got to see a detail - he still played the harp for King Saul.

This was a task he did while he was still a shepherd boy for his dad. It was his first job in the palace (even though he was already anointed to take over the kingship). It was a job for a servant. And yet David continued to play the harp after the promotion, after the glory, after the praise. When all the cheering was outside, he went in, kneeled before his king and harp, and played music in a servants role, a task he should no longer have been required to do.

See, I like this because it reminds me that I'm never too good to kneel. I'm never too mighty to serve, even in roles that I started out doing and have been promoted away from doing. I used to help out in the nursery when my baby was a baby (she's 10). But now that I'm one of the youth pastors, well, I still work in the nursery, still teach the children. They are the details that GOD loves to love.

I guess my thought is this: position is important only if you're kneeling.
GOD bless!

Post-Retreat Ponderings

Our women's retreat was this last weekend and it was so filled with so many things I'm not even sure where to start! I went up with the first team to help set up chairs and signs and such and to make sure things were in order for the rest of the ladies. Keep in mind, I had nothing to do with organizing this retreat - I was just an extra pair of hands. But even being there early was a fun time of fellowship. It is amazing to me that you don't really know these women we see every week until you help one of them when they're trapped by a stack of chairs!

The rest of the ladies trickled in and I helped show them to their rooms and helped carry luggage. I think that was the neatest way to start the weekend - serving others. That first evening session was so filled with information it was all I could do to just write it all down - I figure I'll actually process it all in the coming weeks. Then I was up until about 1 am chatting and rubbing shoulders with the most amazing women of GOD. How could I not realize how deep and wise these women truly are?

The next morning I dragged myself out of bed around 6:30 for the am devotion because I didn't want to miss A THING! (It was made a little easier by the fact that they provided an endless source of coffee.) And the devotion was worth it. A morning session followed by more fellowship - I realize that Sundays are not enough to get to know the true measure of these ladies!

We had another powerful evening session and, without too much detail, we helped each other spiritually strip off our pasts and wrong thinking patterns and clothe each other with the right kinds of GOD-ly garments. We could not have done this kind of re-dressing alone. We need each other. And I don't think we even realize how much we do.

So what have I brought home that will change the rest of my life? I wish I could answer that. I think trust for these other ladies is a start. I have been hurt by women in the past (for being natural nurturers, we can be very mean to each other!) I also think I will try to make time to spend with them outside of church. There just is too much going on at church to really relate to them in a genuine, all-the-way-to-the-core kinda way. And I think that once we all have these kinds of relationships in our church, this kind of unity, we will be a powerful force of love that will affect our entire community. Okay, so, I guess that's something pretty big, huh?