Circular Laughter

My niece is at that really fun age where she can talk and walk, but it's all still pretty new to her. She's two. One day she came running into the room and continued running around the room in circles, laughing and giggling the whole time. It was contagious and I found myself giggling too. When I asked her where she was going, she laughed again and said, "I on't know." Then she was done running.

I felt a little letdown as she found something else to do, her joyous running finished. I guess she figured if there was no goal, then there was no reason to get there in a hurry.

Then it dawned on me - how many times have I found myself in the same situation?

I run to do things to please people, I run to please GOD, I run to...sometimes I don't even know. I usually figure it out when I run smack into the metaphoric wall. Ouch.

Sometimes there's joy and fun in the running. I like the pats on the backs and the thank you's, I enjoy the appreciation that comes from a task completed. But I know that I often run in circles with no direction, no purpose, and if I'm honest, no joy, and I do it because I think I have to. I feel the need to keep moving, to 'keep up', and to let everyone know how important and vital I am because I am so very busy. Circles. Meaningless circles - watch out for the wall!

So GOD, keep me focused and directed. Let my running be for a purpose, Your purpose, and when I start making too many left turns (circles) help me to see the looming wall before I get lost in dizziness or hurt by the sudden stop. And GOD, if it's not too much to ask, giggle with me when I don't know the answers.

'Knee'ded a Reminder

I love my husband, despite that fact that our age difference has made him much more mature than me (even despite the fact that girls mature faster - LOL). So when I finally broke down and went to the doctor about the pain in my knees, I was horrified to find out it was a degenerative condition like arthritis, and not an injury. My husband, wit that he is, said, 'Great. Here I thought I married this young hottie only to find out that you're REALLY older than me. I want a refund.' Ha ha ha, honey! Thanks!

But while I face possible surgery and future knee replacements, (and a witty husband!) one of our teens was diagnosed with lymphoma. He turned 18 the next day. He is an amazing young man, full of optimism and determination, even now almost two months into the fight. He has already written his testimony thanking GOD for completely healing him from this cancer. WOW. Kinda cut my little pity-party short (thank goodness!).

I guess no matter how bad you have it, someone always has it worse, and you can always find something to be thankful for.

Daddy's Little Girl

My lovely daughter, whom I carried and gave birth to, whom I loved and cherished, fed and changed, clothed and listened to for all eleven years of her life, has become someone I'm not sure I recognize.

She is taller, so much taller, nearly to my nose now. She has asked to shave her armpits AND her legs, and actually needs a bra, not just for the social aspect, but for the support. And her mind - the girl is as smart as a whip and takes after her practical-joking father.

Just yesterday, she was making us lunch (her specialty, cheese quesadillas) and I asked her to make sure her dad's was made first and that he would get two. I saw her put them on a plate and start spreading the cheese. I left his lunch in good dependable hands, so I was shocked and confused when he asked me why he doesn't get to eat as I settle down to munch on mine. I couldn't even form words in my confusion. "Huh?" was the only brilliant sound I could utter. Then as he complained of hunger and neglect, I recalled seeing his plate. I KNEW he had his meal first. So I told him so. And I reached out to my daughter, the same one who did the making, to verify that he had already eaten his. She looked me in the eye and said she hadn't made his yet.

I was dumbfounded. My innocent little girl was full of impish delight and couldn't stop smiling at the delectable little joke she hadn't planned with her dad, but that had teamed them up anyway.

I feel I am now on my own. Hmph.

Staying Home

I am a homeschooling mom and have been since my oldest turned five (she is almost twelve). I have actually been out of the workforce officially for 11 years! Since my husband was out of work for a temporary health issue, I had to update my resume and it shocked me that it has been over a decade since I brought home an actual, taxable paycheck. YIKES! Who would hire someone with that giant crater of a missing work history? But I learned a neat little trick to filling in the gaps from someone who helps people like me get back in the work force - you can include volunteer work! YAY! Problem solved (for me anyway - I have volunteered a lot at my church through the years).

But it did raise the question - why is it that being a stay-home mom makes people think you have all this spare time for all their other projects? Why do people think I am always at home? Why does staying home to run a household hinder your return to the workplace (it should be a benefit - think of all the different hats you have to wear as a full-time mom - wake-up call, maid, nanny, chef, secretary, office manager, day care provider, nutritionist, teacher, principal, repair AND maintenance, plumber, doctor, nurse, drywaller, painter, chef AGAIN, dishwasher, busboy, hostess, laundress, housekeeping, and all of it organized and efficient enough to fit inside of a 24 hour period and repeated EVERY DAY!!) With all of that experience I should be on every employers wish list!

So I am faced with a complete change of lifestyle for my family. Will I be the sole provider now, while dad does the homeschooling? Or perhaps we will send the kids to school and be a two-income family for a change? It's possible the husband will be able to provide as before once he is better, and then things will be as before, but I am realizing I am open to whichever direction GOD decides is best for the family. I wasn't always able to say that. I am glad I can now.

Speaking of Dreams...

My husband had a dream last night that effected him tremendously. He dreamed I cheated on him.

And not just the infidelity. He said that in the dream the new guy was the "love of my life" and "my whole heart". He woke up at three am ready to fight!

Lucky for me, he realized it was a dream enough to let me sleep a little longer, even though he never did fall back to sleep himself. Every time he closed his eyes the scenes would replay. When I woke up and he told me what happened, I told him it was just a nightmare and ridiculous that I could even THINK of anyone else. I tried to reason with him, saying it was just a dream, a horrible nightmare sure, but not real at all. But because it was so very vivid, he couldn't shake the emotions that it stirred up inside.

So dreams versus reality...in this case the dream nearly won. He was so hurt by this dream that he was really hurt in real, waking life. How can you convince someone of something that doesn't exist when they feel it so strongly?

Nope, no answers here...but lots of reassurance from me gradually pulled him back to the world of light. GOD protect his dreams!