I Blame Eve...

Through the generations, we've all shaken our heads at the way things are and wondered why. I can remember asking my mom as a four year old who didn't want meatloaf for dinner, "Why do we have to eat?" My mother's reply?..."Because Eve chose to eat an apple and now we all have to eat things we don't want." That may not be theologically sound, but when my daughter refused to put on her jammies and reminded me that Eve was naked in the garden, I had to carry on the blame game..."She ate the apple, honey, and now we all have to wear clothes." It started the process in my life of blaming Eve for pretty much everything I had no control over.

 And then I saw this book by Susanna Foth Aughtmon...'I Blame Eve: Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes' and I knew she was reading my mail. I had already found her blog and fallen in love with her writing style. (Check out 'Confessions of a Tired Supergirl' and you'll see exactly what I mean.) But when I saw her book and what it was about, it brought to mind all of those conversations like the ones I mentioned before in which I blamed Eve for everything from eating and wearing clothes to cramps and pain in labor and (if I'm being honest) even my husband's (few) occasions of not listening to me. (Yes honey, I am a blessed woman, it has only been a few.)

 Heartfelt and endearing, Susanna opens my eyes to a new perspective of Eve and I may be more like her than I imagined. I want things. I have dreams and goals for my life. I have made plans for how I will get there. And I have had most of those plans go horribly awry. GOD has better plans, and I, like my umpteen-greats grandma Eve, thought I could hurry them along or do it my way, without depending on GOD. How easy it would be for me, having read this book and gained new understanding, to bite the apple if I thought I could know as much as GOD and have an actual peer to peer conversation with HIM. Kinda Like this..."GOD, that waiting thing doesn't make any sense. You want it for them, they want it, just give it to them already!" To which He would reply, "Of course, you're right! What was I thinking?" Yeah, that would be my apple! (You can say it...impatient much?)

But with poetry of words and spirit, Susanna sums up the real result of Eve's dissatisfaction with her life and her desire for equality with GOD. "With one bite, everything that was good and right in Eve's life began to break down. Every aspect of her heart, soul, mind, and body was affected by the choice she made. ... Every corner of her life became less than it was created to be as sin seeped in, coloring the edges and hardening the corners. ... There would now be pain where there had never been pain before, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is the legacy that is handed down to us." She traded unity with GOD for what she thought would be equality, an ability to take control for herself. It leaves you mourning for our dear sister, who was no more or less a woman than we are today.

Thankfully, Susanna doesn't leave it there. With personal examples and poignant perspective, she gives practical solutions for letting go and surrendering to GOD's plan of grace and forgiveness. I recommend this book for any and all women everywhere. It will open eyes and change perspectives, allowing for the ability to let go of the pressures to perform. I may still blame Eve the next time I get hormonally weepy at a commercial, but I will know the freedom that allows me to let go of the need to get in GOD's way when HE needs my tears for something else.

Be sure to check out Susanna's blog too!

www.tiredsupergirl.blogspot.com

Old Pictures

I was looking at my baby on his birthday and wondered where the time has gone (he turned 10)! I know I still baby him in small ways that I shouldn't, like finishing his chores when they get halfway done and then forgotten, but I can't seem to let go of mothering him.

There's something about knowing a person for years that can make it really difficult to allow them to change. That can work for the good in some ways, like I don't even notice my husband's increasing grays (he tells me they are there, but I really don't notice them), but I think this easy acceptance mostly hurts relationships.

I think of the person I was 10 years ago and believe me, I thank GOD I am no longer that person! I am wiser, more confident, and more experienced than I was then and I wouldn't want to go back for anything (even for the 50 fewer pounds, before the pregnancy). But sometimes I think people still see that young woman and expect less from me than I can really offer. Then I deliver less and how can I live up to the fullness of my potential that way?

It can work the other way too, with my own perspective skewed. I especially see this with the teens I work with. The teenager is so suddenly different from who they were just a year ago, with different drives, different goals, different friends, different emotions (and different bodies!) that it can be nearly impossible to keep up with the changes. Not only that, but parents can get reminiscent and desire to keep their little ones little. (Perhaps with persistent mothering...) They fail to see the changes that occur. My dad carried a picture of me when I was three until I was a senior in high school. (I think I was the one who finally took it out!)

So carrying an old mental photograph of someone doesn't allow them room to grow or to be different from who they used to be. It can work in salvation too. When someone belongs to Jesus, all of a sudden they are new, all the old is gone! But now they have to fight those old pictures that people around them are holding onto. It takes time for new mental pictures to be developed, and we have to be patient and open enough to allow those around us to change.

(So for me, no more helicopter mothering...hover, hover, hover...and I will have to take some pictures out of my wallet...)

The Sound of Listening

I had an interesting dream the other night. It was this prestigious music audition and everyone was trying to be accepted into this amazing symphony. We were told the piece we were all to play was 'Mary Had A Little Lamb'. Of course, that is a very simple selection for such an important audition, but we weren't going to ruin our chances of acceptance by pointing that out to our judges, and we certainly weren't going to take it upon ourselves to play something other than the appointed piece. Everyone ahead of me played the familiar tune and did so flawlessly.

When my turn came, I made my way to the music stand on the stage and began to play the childhood melody, but became confused when I noticed the piece on the stand was different from what I was expected to play. I tried to reconcile the two melodies, but found it was impossible to do so. I questioned everything at the point: had everyone else just ignored the sheet music? Were they too scared to play what was right in front of them? Were they just trying to do as they were told and refused to even look at the written notes? What exactly was I supposed to be doing? It became clear very quickly that I had to make a choice - do what was expected and what everyone else had done, or choose to play the music in front of me. I woke up before I saw the choice I made.

I would love to say I played the music on the stand, but from what I saw, it was a bunch of boring whole notes tied to half notes with long rests in a chain that seemed to go on indefinitely. Who wants to play something that just drags? But then, who wants to be like everyone else? Sound like everyone else? No, that's not appealing in a universe where GOD made everyone unique. But how scary is it to diverge from the accepted path, the familiar song, especially when every note is being weighed and judged?

Sometimes we find ourselves in that place where the norm is no longer good enough. What worked in the past will no longer be acceptable, and what everyone else does is not what we should be doing. It's that kind of challenge that stretches us and takes us up to that next level. And I think GOD is gracious enough to stretch us with whole notes rather than requesting "Flight of the Bumblebee" on our first solo trek into the realm of new things. (Plus, holding when we want to burst ahead grows trust on HIM, our conductor, to take us to the right place at the right time.)

I am pondering all of this as I am sidelined to my easy chair after knee surgery. Talk about a holding pattern! I am frustrated and want to go, but being forced to wait for the right time. Guess I needed to learn this lesson twice. (Hmpph!) And rest!

From IF to SURELY

I CANNOT get away from this topic in my mind!!!

A little over a month ago I was reading about Jesus' Crucifixion. Now, I have this quirk in which I can't read about the sacrifice on the cross in one chapter and leave the next chapter (the Resurrection) for the next day. I am a happy person who likes happy endings, and I want them NOW! I don't like lengthy suffering. But this time when I read about the suffering, the sacrifice, the pain, and the agony, I was interrupted and didn't get back to this for THREE WHOLE DAYS!! The OCD in me was in overdrive by the time I picked my Bible up again.

But those three days gave me a lot of time to really digest what I had read; time to really meditate on the fullness of this incredible and world-changing act. And because of this time, I gained some wisdom that I had never let fully develop before because I was always in such a hurry to get to the happy.

While on the Cross, Jesus was mocked. The people said things like 'You think You're so great - save Yourself!' and 'If You were really the Son of GOD you would come down from there!' (Not from any literal translation and the emphasis on the 'if' is mine). Then the church leaders got in on the mocking action. "HE saved others, but can't save HIMself! Let GOD save HIM, if HE even wants HIM!" (Again, the 'if' emphasis is mine).

After this we see Jesus utterly alone and forsaken. Even HIS Father GOD has turned away. Then HE dies.

In that moment, where all hope is gone, darkness reigns, and it seems evil has won, we see the power of the hand of GOD. From the NIV it says, "At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people."

It was in that moment of pain, loss, and power that the centurion who had mocked Jesus was compelled by something greater than himself to utter, 'Surely, HE was the Son of GOD!'

HE was moved from IF to SURELY in the moment when all of GOD's power seemed impotent. When all of GOD's plans, HIS promises, HIS potential was hanging dead on the cross was the very moment when an onlooker was moved from a place of if and maybe to a place that was a rock-solid, definite, I-know-this-for-certain surely.

How many times have you been in a place of loss? And, though I hate to ask, how many times in that tough place have people questioned the power of GOD in your life? Maybe you've even questioned it yourself. "If You are real then why am I suffering?" "If You really loved me I wouldn't be here right now!" "Maybe I'm just not good enough for HIM to care what I am going through."

Let me point out that it was this point of suffering that released GOD's power. It wasn't the Resurrection that shook the earth, split rocks, or raised the dead. It was Jesus' death that did all that! And it was HIS death that moved hearts to that 'surely' place where GOD is GOD no matter what!

I guess this will end with a challenge...in your suffering, look for GOD's hand to move. Expect it. Anticipate it. And stand strong and wait for it. For surely, in GOD's world, there is power in suffering and life to be found in death.

Get Doing

We just started a new study at our church that is designed to help people identify their GOD given gifts and personality flavors so we can really identify where they will thrive best in the work of the church. Me, I have a pretty good idea who I am and how GOD has been using me, but I am still excited to go through this study. So, I admit, I peeked ahead.

I have read and been taught about GOD's gifts before, but I never saw them all organized into three groups before - listening/hearing gifts, speaking gifts, and doing gifts. Being in a Pentecostal church, I often see the listening and speaking gifts in use and see how powerfully they touch the lives of the ones who use these gifts and the ones who they are used for. But I haven't often seen the doing gifts in church - and I started wondering why this should be so. Are we just afraid? Do we think GOD can't do things like that anymore?

I think I am comfortable with the listening and speaking gifts because I'm a verbal person anyway. We all use words every day, we use our ears to hear every day, so these gifts are so natural to us we don't really think twice about GOD using us and gifting us in these ways. But to do miracles, to see healings happen, that is so much more involved than simple communication. And I think it's a little scarier to even try because if there isn't an actual something that happens, then we consider it a failure.

I've come to a conclusion about that - something can only happen if we walk out on that limb and at least try. If GOD gives me a word of knowledge (a hearing gift) to speak prophetically to someone (a speaking gift), then I do it. I hear and I speak and that is the extent of my obedience. If the person I am speaking to doesn't receive the words and there is no fruit from the transfer of communication, there is no blame on me - I did what I needed to do for GOD. So if I think GOD wants me to pray so someone can be healed, the same thing applies. My obedience is to pray in all the faith I have for that healing. But because there is a partnership between me and the person I am praying for, the results of that prayer are not completely on me. Whether or not the healing occurs is beside the point. I think the point of the gift of healing is simply knowing that GOD can do it and wants to do it and praying with confidence that HE will do it. The results, as with any gift, are up to HIM. All I can do is be faithful to pray.

So I guess I need to get doing.

Another Lesson My Kids Taught

Man, I miss my kids!

They have been vacationing with my parents for almost three weeks and the quiet is almost as nerve-wracking now as their bickering was before they left. Strange how that happens.

I am sure they are having too much fun to really miss me. Since my parents are both retired, they are free to play at the park, go to the beach, paint ceramics, teach crochet, give tennis lessons, take frequent trips to the library, go to the movies, take walks by the river (though too cold to swim), and a multitude of other things active grandparents do whenever they want to do it.

But when it's important, my kids call me. My daughter had a mini-crisis during her visit. A perfectly normal growing up milemarker, but something that can be really scary or unsettling for the first time, picked that visit to begin. And she refused to talk to anyone else. Not her sister, not her loving Pama, only her mom would do. My husband and I were able to talk and pray her through it and she is once again the happy young woman who enjoys painting her nails and pestering her siblings. But it made clear one more facet of faith.

See, I often feel totally alone when going through something I see as crisis. Sometimes (okay, honestly, it's most of the time) I will isolate myself in troubling times, like my daughter closed herself away from everyone around her. I think it's part of our nature to hide any weaknesses. But when the only tiny teardrop of faith I can muster is thrown out as a prayer, even if it's only to ask GOD to get other people to pray for me 'cause I can't find the faith, strength, or words, HE answers. HE bolsters. HE encourages and gives courage. HE lends HIS strength. And HE talks me through it, HIS peace encircling everything. Even if I can't feel HIM act or answer, the faith found to even speak the words multiplies and grows. Speaking in faith, even if it's a desperate cry, increases faith, because you have to believe that Someone is listening. And if there's Someone on the other end listening, then you're never as alone as you think.

One night in tears, I prayed that GOD would get people to pray for me. I didn't have the words, and I was crying too hard to speak much between the sobs. The next day one of the prayer warrior ladies from our church asked how I was doing. I knew she must have been led to pray for me. GOD is faithful. In every answer, for every prayer, HE hears and answers. Even if the prayer is only a thought between tears.

Circular Laughter

My niece is at that really fun age where she can talk and walk, but it's all still pretty new to her. She's two. One day she came running into the room and continued running around the room in circles, laughing and giggling the whole time. It was contagious and I found myself giggling too. When I asked her where she was going, she laughed again and said, "I on't know." Then she was done running.

I felt a little letdown as she found something else to do, her joyous running finished. I guess she figured if there was no goal, then there was no reason to get there in a hurry.

Then it dawned on me - how many times have I found myself in the same situation?

I run to do things to please people, I run to please GOD, I run to...sometimes I don't even know. I usually figure it out when I run smack into the metaphoric wall. Ouch.

Sometimes there's joy and fun in the running. I like the pats on the backs and the thank you's, I enjoy the appreciation that comes from a task completed. But I know that I often run in circles with no direction, no purpose, and if I'm honest, no joy, and I do it because I think I have to. I feel the need to keep moving, to 'keep up', and to let everyone know how important and vital I am because I am so very busy. Circles. Meaningless circles - watch out for the wall!

So GOD, keep me focused and directed. Let my running be for a purpose, Your purpose, and when I start making too many left turns (circles) help me to see the looming wall before I get lost in dizziness or hurt by the sudden stop. And GOD, if it's not too much to ask, giggle with me when I don't know the answers.