Get Doing

We just started a new study at our church that is designed to help people identify their GOD given gifts and personality flavors so we can really identify where they will thrive best in the work of the church. Me, I have a pretty good idea who I am and how GOD has been using me, but I am still excited to go through this study. So, I admit, I peeked ahead.

I have read and been taught about GOD's gifts before, but I never saw them all organized into three groups before - listening/hearing gifts, speaking gifts, and doing gifts. Being in a Pentecostal church, I often see the listening and speaking gifts in use and see how powerfully they touch the lives of the ones who use these gifts and the ones who they are used for. But I haven't often seen the doing gifts in church - and I started wondering why this should be so. Are we just afraid? Do we think GOD can't do things like that anymore?

I think I am comfortable with the listening and speaking gifts because I'm a verbal person anyway. We all use words every day, we use our ears to hear every day, so these gifts are so natural to us we don't really think twice about GOD using us and gifting us in these ways. But to do miracles, to see healings happen, that is so much more involved than simple communication. And I think it's a little scarier to even try because if there isn't an actual something that happens, then we consider it a failure.

I've come to a conclusion about that - something can only happen if we walk out on that limb and at least try. If GOD gives me a word of knowledge (a hearing gift) to speak prophetically to someone (a speaking gift), then I do it. I hear and I speak and that is the extent of my obedience. If the person I am speaking to doesn't receive the words and there is no fruit from the transfer of communication, there is no blame on me - I did what I needed to do for GOD. So if I think GOD wants me to pray so someone can be healed, the same thing applies. My obedience is to pray in all the faith I have for that healing. But because there is a partnership between me and the person I am praying for, the results of that prayer are not completely on me. Whether or not the healing occurs is beside the point. I think the point of the gift of healing is simply knowing that GOD can do it and wants to do it and praying with confidence that HE will do it. The results, as with any gift, are up to HIM. All I can do is be faithful to pray.

So I guess I need to get doing.

Another Lesson My Kids Taught

Man, I miss my kids!

They have been vacationing with my parents for almost three weeks and the quiet is almost as nerve-wracking now as their bickering was before they left. Strange how that happens.

I am sure they are having too much fun to really miss me. Since my parents are both retired, they are free to play at the park, go to the beach, paint ceramics, teach crochet, give tennis lessons, take frequent trips to the library, go to the movies, take walks by the river (though too cold to swim), and a multitude of other things active grandparents do whenever they want to do it.

But when it's important, my kids call me. My daughter had a mini-crisis during her visit. A perfectly normal growing up milemarker, but something that can be really scary or unsettling for the first time, picked that visit to begin. And she refused to talk to anyone else. Not her sister, not her loving Pama, only her mom would do. My husband and I were able to talk and pray her through it and she is once again the happy young woman who enjoys painting her nails and pestering her siblings. But it made clear one more facet of faith.

See, I often feel totally alone when going through something I see as crisis. Sometimes (okay, honestly, it's most of the time) I will isolate myself in troubling times, like my daughter closed herself away from everyone around her. I think it's part of our nature to hide any weaknesses. But when the only tiny teardrop of faith I can muster is thrown out as a prayer, even if it's only to ask GOD to get other people to pray for me 'cause I can't find the faith, strength, or words, HE answers. HE bolsters. HE encourages and gives courage. HE lends HIS strength. And HE talks me through it, HIS peace encircling everything. Even if I can't feel HIM act or answer, the faith found to even speak the words multiplies and grows. Speaking in faith, even if it's a desperate cry, increases faith, because you have to believe that Someone is listening. And if there's Someone on the other end listening, then you're never as alone as you think.

One night in tears, I prayed that GOD would get people to pray for me. I didn't have the words, and I was crying too hard to speak much between the sobs. The next day one of the prayer warrior ladies from our church asked how I was doing. I knew she must have been led to pray for me. GOD is faithful. In every answer, for every prayer, HE hears and answers. Even if the prayer is only a thought between tears.

Circular Laughter

My niece is at that really fun age where she can talk and walk, but it's all still pretty new to her. She's two. One day she came running into the room and continued running around the room in circles, laughing and giggling the whole time. It was contagious and I found myself giggling too. When I asked her where she was going, she laughed again and said, "I on't know." Then she was done running.

I felt a little letdown as she found something else to do, her joyous running finished. I guess she figured if there was no goal, then there was no reason to get there in a hurry.

Then it dawned on me - how many times have I found myself in the same situation?

I run to do things to please people, I run to please GOD, I run to...sometimes I don't even know. I usually figure it out when I run smack into the metaphoric wall. Ouch.

Sometimes there's joy and fun in the running. I like the pats on the backs and the thank you's, I enjoy the appreciation that comes from a task completed. But I know that I often run in circles with no direction, no purpose, and if I'm honest, no joy, and I do it because I think I have to. I feel the need to keep moving, to 'keep up', and to let everyone know how important and vital I am because I am so very busy. Circles. Meaningless circles - watch out for the wall!

So GOD, keep me focused and directed. Let my running be for a purpose, Your purpose, and when I start making too many left turns (circles) help me to see the looming wall before I get lost in dizziness or hurt by the sudden stop. And GOD, if it's not too much to ask, giggle with me when I don't know the answers.

'Knee'ded a Reminder

I love my husband, despite that fact that our age difference has made him much more mature than me (even despite the fact that girls mature faster - LOL). So when I finally broke down and went to the doctor about the pain in my knees, I was horrified to find out it was a degenerative condition like arthritis, and not an injury. My husband, wit that he is, said, 'Great. Here I thought I married this young hottie only to find out that you're REALLY older than me. I want a refund.' Ha ha ha, honey! Thanks!

But while I face possible surgery and future knee replacements, (and a witty husband!) one of our teens was diagnosed with lymphoma. He turned 18 the next day. He is an amazing young man, full of optimism and determination, even now almost two months into the fight. He has already written his testimony thanking GOD for completely healing him from this cancer. WOW. Kinda cut my little pity-party short (thank goodness!).

I guess no matter how bad you have it, someone always has it worse, and you can always find something to be thankful for.

Daddy's Little Girl

My lovely daughter, whom I carried and gave birth to, whom I loved and cherished, fed and changed, clothed and listened to for all eleven years of her life, has become someone I'm not sure I recognize.

She is taller, so much taller, nearly to my nose now. She has asked to shave her armpits AND her legs, and actually needs a bra, not just for the social aspect, but for the support. And her mind - the girl is as smart as a whip and takes after her practical-joking father.

Just yesterday, she was making us lunch (her specialty, cheese quesadillas) and I asked her to make sure her dad's was made first and that he would get two. I saw her put them on a plate and start spreading the cheese. I left his lunch in good dependable hands, so I was shocked and confused when he asked me why he doesn't get to eat as I settle down to munch on mine. I couldn't even form words in my confusion. "Huh?" was the only brilliant sound I could utter. Then as he complained of hunger and neglect, I recalled seeing his plate. I KNEW he had his meal first. So I told him so. And I reached out to my daughter, the same one who did the making, to verify that he had already eaten his. She looked me in the eye and said she hadn't made his yet.

I was dumbfounded. My innocent little girl was full of impish delight and couldn't stop smiling at the delectable little joke she hadn't planned with her dad, but that had teamed them up anyway.

I feel I am now on my own. Hmph.

Staying Home

I am a homeschooling mom and have been since my oldest turned five (she is almost twelve). I have actually been out of the workforce officially for 11 years! Since my husband was out of work for a temporary health issue, I had to update my resume and it shocked me that it has been over a decade since I brought home an actual, taxable paycheck. YIKES! Who would hire someone with that giant crater of a missing work history? But I learned a neat little trick to filling in the gaps from someone who helps people like me get back in the work force - you can include volunteer work! YAY! Problem solved (for me anyway - I have volunteered a lot at my church through the years).

But it did raise the question - why is it that being a stay-home mom makes people think you have all this spare time for all their other projects? Why do people think I am always at home? Why does staying home to run a household hinder your return to the workplace (it should be a benefit - think of all the different hats you have to wear as a full-time mom - wake-up call, maid, nanny, chef, secretary, office manager, day care provider, nutritionist, teacher, principal, repair AND maintenance, plumber, doctor, nurse, drywaller, painter, chef AGAIN, dishwasher, busboy, hostess, laundress, housekeeping, and all of it organized and efficient enough to fit inside of a 24 hour period and repeated EVERY DAY!!) With all of that experience I should be on every employers wish list!

So I am faced with a complete change of lifestyle for my family. Will I be the sole provider now, while dad does the homeschooling? Or perhaps we will send the kids to school and be a two-income family for a change? It's possible the husband will be able to provide as before once he is better, and then things will be as before, but I am realizing I am open to whichever direction GOD decides is best for the family. I wasn't always able to say that. I am glad I can now.

Speaking of Dreams...

My husband had a dream last night that effected him tremendously. He dreamed I cheated on him.

And not just the infidelity. He said that in the dream the new guy was the "love of my life" and "my whole heart". He woke up at three am ready to fight!

Lucky for me, he realized it was a dream enough to let me sleep a little longer, even though he never did fall back to sleep himself. Every time he closed his eyes the scenes would replay. When I woke up and he told me what happened, I told him it was just a nightmare and ridiculous that I could even THINK of anyone else. I tried to reason with him, saying it was just a dream, a horrible nightmare sure, but not real at all. But because it was so very vivid, he couldn't shake the emotions that it stirred up inside.

So dreams versus reality...in this case the dream nearly won. He was so hurt by this dream that he was really hurt in real, waking life. How can you convince someone of something that doesn't exist when they feel it so strongly?

Nope, no answers here...but lots of reassurance from me gradually pulled him back to the world of light. GOD protect his dreams!