Walking Broken

 

    Almost two weeks ago, I injured my ankle.  Oh, it was a loud POP!  Oh, it hurt so much!  But oh, I decided to walk it off.  Yeah, I limped, and tried to hide it.  Even though it popped and hurt, I thought it wasn't that big of a deal and didn't want to let anyone know.  But the pain didn't go away.  It couldn't just be 'walked off'.  Then it started swelling on top of the pain. 

 

 

 

 

     I finally had to mention it to my family and see a doctor.  Turns out, I had actually broken a chip off of the bone.

 

 

 

    I had been walking around for two weeks on a broken ankle.  Luckily, because it was minor, I hadn't caused any additional damage.  Not everyone can say that.

   One of the young men in our church (he had actually been in our youth group when he was a teenager) recently passed away.  He was only 29 and left behind a wife, two young girls, and another on the way. He had been fighting lung cancer and it was responding well to treatments, when another tumor of a different kind of cancer was found in his other lung.  He delayed treatment because his job for the coming week was out of town.  He began struggling to breathe, finally went to the hospital, and because of fluid built up around his heart, he contracted an infection and died.

    Why do we cover our vulnerabilities?  Why do we insist on walking around wounded?  Why do we hide when we need help he most?

    I have come to the conclusion that the answer, for me, is that I am a control freak.  I have to control how people see me.  I must be seen as strong.  I must be perceived as capable.  I must be available to be compassionate to others, not be in need of compassion myself. 

How messed up is that?

    GOD promises that HE is strong and powerful in the midst of our weaknesses.  In 2 Corinthians 12:9 HE says through Paul "My Grace is sufficient for you and my strength is made perfect in weakness."  Paul's conclusion is to then boast about his weaknesses and struggles so that GOD would be glorified.  While that may not be my response to struggles right now, it will be.  I've seen the power that can come from that kind of open honesty.

    At the celebration of life service for the young man I mentioned, his mom stepped up to the mic at the end of a sharing period and what she said blew my mind.  I wish it had been recorded...it would have gone viral in no time.  She thanked everyone for sharing such warm memories of her son.  Then she proceeded to share about his wicked heart.  She said of course he had a wicked heart. We all do.  And he struggled all his life with his anger, never feeling accepted, and feelings of unworthiness (which led him to make poor decisions).  He had been married twice and was abusive, she went on to share.  And he gave his life to Jesus about two weeks before he died.  She said that in the hospital after the doctor declared him to be dead, she knew that he was in heaven having a talk with Jesus, and having come face to face with that kind of love and complete acceptance, something he never felt in this life, he simply refused to return to earth.

    Without that complete honesty, who could possibly have understood the amazing depth of the love of GOD?  Without that openness and vulnerability, who would have missed the opportunity to find that love and salvation for themselves, found acceptance for themselves?  Thank GOD for the faith and perspective of that mother who loved GOD and her son enough to be honest, and to have such an eternal perspective.  She cared more for the glory of GOD and salvation for people than she cared about protecting the final reputation of her son.  I am humbled by the lesson and love with that woman.  SO ... it's time to be vulnerable, and in that place find GOD's strength.

Hidden

Let me just say I love where I live!  We live in the middle of a valley with beautiful mountain ranges all around us.  The views constantly amaze me, no matter how often I see them.  One day, just driving down the road, I see this:






The snow-capped mountains that have become my visual snack each day were nearly obscured by a layer of wispy clouds.  I couldn't resist a picture.  It was just so ethereal. 

And then I heard myself pray, "Lord, take the best of me and hide it in You.  Let anyone seeking You also find the best of me.  Hide me so completely in You that all anyone can see of me is You."

Hidden glory.  Covered majesty.  Taking the best and rendering it unseen.  Because I have always been okay with not being glorified.  Because I am always okay with GOD getting the glory.  Make me like these mountains, GOD.  If anyone desires to truly know me, they have to know You first.  And let everything that I am bring only glory to You.

Roots Unseen

There's this tree a few blocks from our church that is tall, beautiful, and majestic, even with winter's bareness still on it.  It's strong and thick, and has obviously been growing and thriving for many decades.  Then, one day, I was struck by the roots.  Even though they were underground, they had completely moved the sidewalk out of the way, reducing it to crumbles of concrete.

 

 

It dawned on me that people can be like that tree.  We grow tall and strong. Over the decades, we become beautiful and majestic, no matter the season we are in.  And most of our strength, like the tree, can be found in the roots.

 

 

In our roots, we find our connections to the nutrients and water we need, yet they are hidden from view.  In our relationship with Jesus, our strength and nourishment come from the hidden time we spend with our Savior.  In those roots, we find our anchor and connection, the reason we can grow so tall and radiate majesty.  All of which are hidden.

 

 

How many times are we discouraged by our seeming lack of growth?  How many times do we feel concrete barriers blocking us from getting to where we want to be? 

 

 

This tree shows us that there is no barrier strong enough to keep GOD's growth from bursting forth in our lives.  Our strength and growth all happen unseen and underground until it is time for it to be upward and seen.  There has to be a strong root system before a full grown tree can be supported. All of that takes place in the hidden underground.  
Sometimes even hidden from ourselves.

 

 

If you find yourself discouraged, take a cue from this tree.  Know that you are growing, you are strong, and you are hidden in HIM.  HE will take care of the growth.  Have faith.  You are more than a tree.

Cup of Sacrifice

I think my favorite part about church is the music portion.  There is just something so powerful about music, the way it can break through mental barriers and show you something new that you might not have thought of on your own, apart from its influence.  During worship like that, I think GOD has an easier time reaching me, helping me to learn or understand what HE is up to.  And it was while we were worshipping that I thought about HIS cup.

It was the week before Easter, Palm Sunday, and we sang a beautiful song by Kari Jobe, The More I Seek You.  The chorus goes like this:

"I want to sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand,

Lay back against You and breathe, feel Your heart beat

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand

I melt in Your peace, it's overwhelming"

I was melting into HIM, just like we were singing.  It was such a sweet, tender, intimate moment between my Savior and me.  And as I sang the chorus again, my thoughts went to HIS cup. 

The cup of the Last Supper.  The cup HE asked James and John, the Sons of Thunder, if they were able to drink from it.  The cup Jesus begged GOD to take from HIM if there were any other way.  The cup of sacrifice.

My husband has an amazing sermon he shares about sacrifice and worship.  They are inextricable, you see.  There is no genuine worship unless it costs you something.  Sometimes it's time.  Sometimes, you may have to give up perspectives or previous beliefs.  Sometimes you have to give up an offense (forgiveness).  Abraham, in the very first act of worship, was willing to sacrifice his own son.  So worship, true worship, costs something.

 

As I pondered this, still hearing this beautiful song in my ears, I asked myself if I was really willing to drink from HIS cup.  I mean, HE didn't even want it!  I needed to really be sure I was willing to drink from a cup that would cost me so much.  And I asked myself, if I had to choose between the cup and having Jesus in my life, or not having to drink from the cup, but not knowing Jesus as my Savior, I would have to choose Jesus every time, no matter what. 

So knowing that, the depth of commitment and dedication, why am I so lazy, so lackadaisical, taking so much of this relationship for granted?  No More!  It is time to drink the cup of sacrifice, to lay down my desire to be in charge of my life, and to truly worship HIM with the sacrifice of my self.  There really is no alternative.

 





Draw Me Near

    My husband has this really great sermon that he preaches occasionally about worship and sacrifice.  He uses the story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22 in which Abraham is told to sacrifice his son, and yet he says to his servants that he is going to worship.   True worship will cost you something, he says.

    Me, well, I tried to look for a deeper connection between the two concepts and looked into the Greek words.  Worship is proskuneo and sacrifice is prosphero.  They have the same root word, which I thought just went to support his sermon.  (Please be warned I know NOTHING about Greek and this is just the barest of scrapings into a complex language). 

    So last night, before he was to preach it again, I wondered out loud if proselytize had the same root word too.  I mean, it sounded like it might.  So I looked, and yes, it is the same!  Proselytos is the Greek origin of the word and has the same root as the words for worship and sacrifice. These three concepts are all entwined with each other in a very relevant way...worship and sacrifice and sharing your faith are basic building blocks that often rely on each other.  What amazes me even more is what the root word means and why these three words bring me again to my knees in awe of GOD. 

    The root word 'pros' means simply 'near'.  You draw near to GOD when you give up something for Him or give something to Him.  You draw near to GOD when you give Him honor and glorify Him in your words, songs, or deeds.  And you draw near to Him by telling your story and bringing others to Him.  You can't worship without Him.  Sacrifice is meaningless without Him.  And what is there for anyone without Him being the center of our lives and focus?

    So GOD, draw me near to You.  Everything is wrapped up in who You are.  Help me to stay near to You in challenges and victories, celebration and defeat.  You are the I AM.  There is nothing else.

Surrounded

    With my father-in-law's transformation in Jesus, I just wanted to share a few pictures from church on Sunday.  (It was the first time my husband has ever gone to church with hisdad and it just happened to be my husband's birthday!)

    When my in-laws went up front to receive prayer during worship, they were literally surrounded by about half the people at church that day.

   When the pastor and worship leader saw what was happening, they extended the music portion of our worship service to allow GOD and HIS people to continue with what HE was doing.  They worshipped together for several songs and inspired more people to join in.

    To watch my father-in-law and his wife be surrounded by people who love them was such an inspiration to me.   What kind of person draws people to him like that?  What power but love could draw a church to a couple that just a year ago had nothing to do with GOD?  I am in awe of what GOD is doing and excited to see even more!

Transformation Power

   Confession time...I was a goody-two shoes.   I never had any desire to smoke or drink or party.  I always did my best in school and the first time I ever skipped a class was my senior year when I cut band because I wasn't allowed to practice "Pomp and Circumstance" with the band (since I would be walking in my cap and gown). 
   But given all that, I still had the overwhelming experience of becoming a new creation in Jesus.  I was fresh.  I was clean.  I was pure.  I was loved.

    The transformation power of a new life in Jesus wasn't lost on me, but maybe it was a little under-understood.  That changed this week when I walked into my father-in-laws arms.

    This was a man I knew I would never be able to please.  He was a hard man with distinct opinions and his way was the right way, no matter what.  If things didn't go his way, he would kick you out of his life.  My husband, his oldest son, had been disowned more times than he could count, and just in our 17 years of marriage, I can count three times in which we went several years without speaking to him.  This most recent time has lasted four years.  We were told he didn't exist to us and we should leave him alone...don't call, don't visit, don't bother.
    So imagine my surprise when he calls out of the blue and asks us what happened to cause this lost relationship!  My husband explained it all, and his dad asked for forgiveness.  Forgiveness!  Without making any excuses, he simply admitted he'd done wrong and could we please start over.  My husband agreed, with caution and watchfulness.  They continued to speak at least weekly over the phone, and we made plans to visit this month.  When we got here, this man who was always too strong to be effected by emotion was crying his eyes out at how beautiful the kids are, how much it means that we came, how good it is to see us.  He asked my oldest daughter (who is just as opinionated as he is) to please forgive him.  He humbled himself so much that he asked for forgiveness from a child! 

    Now I was pretty floored by what I was seeing, but because of past history, I maintained a watchfulness of my own.  After all, I had given up on this man.  I had written off any hope of ever having a relationship with him.  But as I listened, I noticed how different he was.  Where he once spouted his opinions as gospel, he now shared what he was learning from the Gospel.  When he would once complain about how his church was doing things wrong, he was now telling everyone who would listen what his church was doing right.  When he used to push people away, he was now calling them close to pray over his weakness.  When anger used to rule his emotional scale I was now seeing love, empathy, and compassion.  This man, who at one time lost every friend he ever had, was now surrounded and embraced by men on a scale I never dreamed was possible.  And in the quiet moments, he embraces his family.  There are hugs almost more than there are words. 

   It was there in his arms, where I never dreamed I would ever be welcomed, that I realized the depth and power that Jesus has when it comes to changing a human heart.  There is no other explanation than the hand of GOD was moving in this man.

GOD have Your way!